In The Heart of Innocence
by Brindalyn
Summary: Bella likes being alone, but when she loses her father Alice decides to intervene. Edward just became an unwilling pawn in her attempt to make Bella's life as normal as possible. Too bad he fell in love. Can he control the beast within? E/B,Cannon Parings
1. Chapter 1

**_I own Nothing, Stephanie Meyers owns everything :)_**

Have you ever noticed how cold it is in January? The frozen ground crunching under you feet, the white ice on the treetops. It is beautiful the way the cold ice masks the land but isn't it funny how beautiful things seem the deadliest. You could freeze so easy out here. Water for instance, beautiful as it flows gently down a stream, yet you could drown. I find I am always in the aftermath of those beautiful things, attracted to the things I shouldn't be. My heart often overrules my head and that happens quite a lot, for me at least.

It was freezing out and here I stand, skipping lunch and standing against the cold wall outside gazing at the landscape. See what I mean? Not really the smartest place to be when it's 30 degree's outside. I couldn't help it. I tend to isolate myself from the people at school. I have been here a year living with my father and although I have a few friends I hate getting hit on which means I avoid all the parties and local things to do.

It's just redundant really, all guys are the same and I really don't see the point of wasting my time. I prefer to spend my time reading, or daydreaming I do that a lot as well. I know senior year get ready for college. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up; basically I prefer not to grow up.

"Have you ever noticed the way the ice sparkles when light hits it? It's like a million little rainbows encased in this perfectly imperfect prison." I was talking to myself really and actually I was quite surprised when someone answered me. I had not even heard anyone approach.

"I never really thought of it as perfectly imperfect but I guess in a way it is." Hearing the unfamiliar male voice I turned. It was Edward Cullen. I was actually quite shocked, for one we have never spoken. To be honest his family doesn't really speak to anyone. For another why was he talking to me? As if he sensed my question he looked down at me. I never realized he was so tall, but then I've never been this close. He has the most perfect porcelain skin up close. I've never really paid too much attention, I mean of course his whole family is beautiful beyond words but I always hear my friends going on and on about him and to be honest it gets on my nerves. I guess it might get on his as well.

He smirked, "Your lab partner was worried about you. I was on my way out and told her I would check on you."

Alice? Alice was his sister well…adopted sister and my lab partner. She was actually the only one of them I spoke with and it was briefly but she did talk to me at least, I can't recall her speaking with anyone else besides her family. I think they like their privacy as well.

"I'm still breathing." I said flatly.

"Is that what the white billowy smoke coming from your mouth means? Thank you so much for informing me." He sneered back.

"You can tell Alice I am fine." My teeth grinded together when I was finished and I turned back looking at the landscape again. What a mouth he had on him, no wonder I stayed away. I looked back and him when I realized he had not moved. He wasn't looking at me but at the trees as well.

"It makes you want to be one with nature doesn't it, a part of the life that runs through every pulse, every vein." He said but continued to avoid my gaze. Wow the guy was deep who knew?

"It has to be better than here, walking around in a mundane society and pretending it is all so different and exciting. We all live in a box, date, get married, have kids, and die. We're all little puppets." I said continuing to watch him. It was then he met my eyes. I didn't know his eyes were such a golden brown either, interesting color. I wonder if it's contacts?

"Who pulls the strings?" He asked, his face a mask.

"I don't know. I would like to think there is someone up there listening but I have my doubts." He had a very interesting look on his face, like he was really seeing me for the first time or something. It was odd.

"Do you choose to live in a box?"

"No. Hence the not dating, what's the point really? Pretend to be perfect, attempt to get your parents to like the person while they take you out and try to steam their window's up every night." He was silent a moment then the funniest thing happened, he laughed. Wow, I don't think I have ever heard him laugh and it was actually a beautiful site. He has a dimple. Wait, no guys are beautiful. I think the cold is freezing my brain.

I noticed several people walk by and look at us both weird. I can't say I blame them. I would have too if I cared enough to pay attention. I usually try not to. I realized his look had changed into a serious expression and he slipped his hands into his pockets. "I'll tell Alice your fine."

"Okey Dokey." I responded watching curiously as he walked off. That was definitely an odd experience. And now I realize one thing, I am freezing. I rubbed my hands together and went inside to my locker. Jennifer one of my closer friends smiled leaning on the locker, "So I saw you talking to Cullen, what's that about?"

"He was annoying me."

"Really, why? He looked intense."

I knew she was fishing for gossip but she needed to fish elsewhere, no dirt here. I sighed, "He was telling me about something in statistics. You know how guys are, stupid crap they come up with." She shrugged waiting on me and as I turned I saw him and his brother Emmett walking into a class. He smirked at me and oddly enough I felt like he heard every word I said. Kind of creepy.

Jen and I headed to class and I took my usual seat by Alice. She looked at me with a very concerned expression. "Are you ok?"

"Why does everyone in your family keep asking me that, I'm fine why?" She nodded, "Oh…well at lunch today you looked so sad. I know we don't talk a lot but I do consider you a friend and it just worried me that's all." I wanted to believe her but something told me there was more to this story. I decided best to leave it alone, it's not like she was going to tell me anyway.

We talked a little during class but it was mostly about her and Jasper going to the movies the weekend before. Jasper was her boyfriend and I think he lived with them too. Not real sure but they really do make a cute couple. He looks at her in a way I wish someone would look at me. Maybe someday when I figure out who I am and what I want. Cookie box remember? Not me.

"Maybe one day you can come." She said finally and I nodded, "Sure." She jumped in her seat clapping her hands, "Oh great it will be so much fun!"

"Wait, what?" I realized I was agreeing but I actually never listened to what she said, I was too caught up in my own thoughts.

"Skiing." She answered like it was a natural thing. I frowned, "Oh, oh I can't ski, I would break my legs. I am extremely clumsy."

"It's ok, really. I'll teach you. We are going this weekend, you can come." Ok now this is odd. Not that I minded having a new friend but Alice? She grabbed my cell from the desk beside me where it lay and dialed her number punching in a few things. "There you go, now you have my number and I have yours."

"Great." I mumbled as I worked on my paper. She elbowed me, "You already know this stuff, why are you trying to study it?" I sighed, "I want to make an A."

"You always do Bella. Hey lets text my brother and harass him."

"You go ahead. Have fun." She scowled then smiled shrugging, "Ok." I heard her typing but ignored it as I finished my paper then I realized she was using my phone. You have got to be kidding me.

"Who are you texting?"

"Edward."

"On my phone? Did he answer?" I asked curious I mean he wouldn't know the number.

"Yes. I told him you thought he was very sweet and enjoyed conversing with him."

"Alice! Does he think I wrote that?" She grinned widely. I grabbed my phone and sure enough she had told him what she said and he had sent back He was flattered I thought he was sweet and it was an unusually odd conversation but stimulating whatever the heck that meant. She had then sent that I was glad to know there was still some resemblance of sanity in the world. She knew how I thought too well, kind of sucks. I felt the phone vibrate and read the response. He typed back who was supposed to be the sane one him or I? I chuckled. Alice smiled, "Text him back."

"Alice, I don't even know the guy."

"Sure you do, he's cool." The bell rang and she hopped up, "Call you later to give you details on this weekend." I tried to speak but she was gone too quickly. How do I get myself into these situations? I didn't even know who would be there to watch me fall on my butt. I made it to my next class and sat down in my usual seat by Jen. She smiled, "Me and Lucas are going out this weekend, want to come?"

"I can't. I promised Charlie I'd help him with a few things." I lied, but hopefully I could get out of this stupid skiing thing and stay home in peace. "Be right back." I whispered taking off to the bathroom real quick. When I returned she eyed me curious, "Your phone vibrated, when did you start texting Edward Cullen? I didn't know you had his number much less talked."

"We don't." She pointed to the text, which I promptly read that said I never answered his question and he was waiting. I bit my lip looking back at her. "Well?" She insisted. I shrugged, "Alice started it last period and he has kept it up. Seriously I don't know the guy."

"Well it's nothing to be ashamed of. You know that half of the girls if not all of them at this school would die to have his cell number, much less be texting back and forth with him." I shrugged trying to act like it was no big deal because to me it wasn't. I began to type and told him he was probably more lucid than me but I was in class and could not text right now. He simply sent back until later.

Very odd conversation I think. I still can't figure out why he believed I would text him out of the blue and call him sweet of all things. Not in my vocabulary and really how would I get his number, didn't he wonder that? Maybe he just figured Alice gave it to me, well she did and I saw she had programmed his and Jasper's in it as well. When did she get such fast little fingers? It's not like I was going to call them.

I finished the day without further incident and walked to my faithful truck. It was old but I really liked it. It didn't quite fit in here, kind of like me. Getting in I glanced up to see Alice joking with Jasper and smiled, too cute those two. I was then drawn to the brown eyes behind them that were staring straight into mine. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, he wasn't smiling or frowning actually he held no expression what so ever.

I looked away taking a deep breath and headed home, when I got there I started dinner for Charlie and completed my homework. It was then I saw my phone was flashing and flipped it on. He had sent me another text saying simply this is ominous. What drugs was he on? I had no idea what were we even speaking of. It didn't matter I wasn't texting back.

Alice did call but I didn't answer and she left me a long message with details about their little excursion. I did not want to go on this trip. This was weird enough already. I went to school the next two days and besides Alice had no contact with anyone else in the family. I was walking to my car on Friday afternoon when I felt her beside me, "So are you excited?"

"What?"

"The ski trip?"

"Oh, Alice really I…" She stopped me, "No you don't know backing out. You already told me yes." She wasn't lying but when I accepted I had not listened to what she was asking. Teach me a lesson won't it. I nodded in failure. She smiled slipping her small arm through mine, "We are going to have so much fun Bella!" I felt so uncomfortable and out of place. I allowed her to lead me and when I was directly in front of a gray jacket I looked up. Edward looked in my eyes like he was looking clear into my soul. I felt so self-conscious I simply looked down. Alice released me to greet Jasper when he spoke.

"Don't you just love Alice?"

I looked at him again. He was smirking. Can an angel smirk? Wait! I did not just call this stupid guy an angel, yeah I did. I seriously needed to consider therapy. No one at the school caught this guy's attention so I am sure he was teasing me in some way. Realizing I gave no answer he stepped closer leaving little room between us. "Are you ok?"

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"Rainbow prisons again?" He teased. I shook my head. "No, I was thinking how I could pretend to be excited and follow through with this little trip I agreed to, without breaking some much needed body parts."

"I see. You can always fake sick, might work. She is a diligent little thing you know. Very annoying to be so small." Alice turned, "I heard that. Edward can you take Bella home her truck won't start and we have to wait on Emmett and Rosalie."

I looked at her oddly, "What do you mean my truck won't start I haven't even tried to start it." She looked at Edward a minute and then smiled, "I was guessing, being it is an older truck and it is so cold out." I slid my keys out of my pocket and walked to my truck and sure enough it wouldn't start. Fabulous. I would have to get Charlie to come check on it.

I shut the door and turned almost running into Edward. "No luck?"

"No, I can call my dad."

"I don't mind giving you a ride, we do have to pick you up in the morning anyway." I thought about it but got distracted by the stares we were getting. He looked around then back to me, "Remember that whole box theory? They are trying to put us in it."

"They can dream." I said back irritated. A small smile appeared on his lips. "Let me give you a ride, it's really fine."

"You're fanning rumor flames." I said as I followed him. He opened the door to his Volvo and leaned closer, "Really? Want to really give them something to talk about?" I was curious but a little worried by the look on his face.

"How so?" Leaning closer he slowly reached up and slid my bag down my arm. He made sure to make a trail with his fingers as he did all the while watching my face. It was an innocent touch but from afar I am sure how it looked and to be honest it was the most erotic thing I think I've ever seen, felt, or been a part of. He leaned against me tossing it into the back seat and then returned to his full height.

"I never realized how tall you are." I said honestly, it was my first thought. Ok so I was not exactly coherent but I was still talking, that counts for something. He chuckled, "I never realized how short you are, perhaps because we've never been this close."

"Probably a good reason why." I said smiling back at him. He sighed taking a step back, "Get it, it's cold and your fragile body can't take it too long." I got in shooting him a look.

"I'm not fragile."

He got in and shut his door, I still can't figure out how he heard me but he had.

"You are fragile Bella, more so than you know. Then again, some things are better left unknown."

Starting his car he quickly slipped it into gear and sped out of the parking lot. I noticed his hands were gripping the steering wheel like he was angry or something. I hoped I hadn't done anything to upset him.

"You seem upset." I said finally. The silence was killing me.

"Do I? I'm not. I was just tossing around the ramifications of this situation and wondering if Alice has any idea what she is doing."

"You mean taking me on the trip?"

"Yes." He was blunt, but hey I appreciate that.

"You would rather I not come?" I was afraid to hear the answer because if he said no I would be upset even though I refused to develop feelings for any male especially him. He sighed, "It would be…. beneficial for you not to. A more populated environment would be a better idea."

"Why?" I wanted to know because the words he spoke made no sense to me. He pulled into my driveway and turned to me. "You seem very…sweet Bella. I rather enjoy our little texts though it is not in your best interest and I probably shouldn't. I've kept myself isolated for a reason."

"What reason?" I asked curious now. He reached over and unlocked my seatbelt. "I'll see you in the morning Bella."

"But you didn't answer me."

"No I didn't."

"You will though right?" He seemed to be upset with this and shook his head, "No I won't." I figured there was no reason to push it, technically we didn't really know much about each other. He seems nice… different I think that's why I am thinking maybe I can have a male friend for once. I guess time will tell. He seems a little cryptic though. I know in his own twisted way he's trying to tell me something and maybe at some point he will trust me enough to tell me what that is.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Previously…**_

"_**I'll see you in the morning Bella."**_

"_**But you didn't answer me."**_

"_**No I didn't."**_

"_**You will though right?" He seemed to be upset with this and shook his head, "No I won't." I figured there was no reason to push it technically we didn't really know much about each other. He seems nice… different I think that's why I am thinking maybe I can have a male friend for once. I guess time will tell. He seems a little cryptic though. I know in his own twisted way he's trying to tell me something and maybe at some point he will trust me enough to tell me what that is. **_

Charlie was extremely happy when I told him the news about the trip. He wanted me to get out and experience new things. He told me all of the time how I stayed home too much. Yeah, yeah I was used to it. I loved my dad but please, lay off a little. I'll get out…..eventually. I hardly slept worried about this stupid trip I got myself into. I woke up early, packed and then sat on my bed anxious. It wasn't long before I heard a car slip into my driveway and sighed looking out my window. A Mercedes nice, why am I not surprised?

Alice was at my door soon and I heard my dad yelling for me. So much for hoping they would forget me. Grabbing my bag I walked downstairs hearing Alice and my father talking. He seemed to approve of her and kissed my head, "You have fun sweetheart."

"I will dad."

She giggled grabbing my hand and pulling me to the car. The trunk opened, I suppose by remote and she placed my bag in.

"I have options for you." She said with her usual smile and bell like voice. How can anyone be so chipper? This girl was like the energizer bunny. She must have an investment in Starbucks.

"What options?" I asked trying to read her expression. She gestured with her small hands, "Well, Emmett is driving this car he and his girlfriend Rosalie are with me and Jasper. Edward is driving his car and is all alone so the question is do you want to ride with Edward or Emmett? If you are uncomfortable then I'll ride with you, Jazzy can live without me temporarily." I thought a minute about the situation I didn't want to separate her from her boyfriend but a long trip with Edward alone?

"I don't bite, not on the first trip at least." I turned to see Edward leaning on his car looking like he was doing a modeling shoot for Volvo. Does this guy ever have a bad day? Alice scowled, "Ignore him, what do you think?"

"I guess…" I had a feeling this was not really my decision, she wanted me to ride with Edward and this was easy for me to pick up on, after all I make a habit of reading people so I know what to expect.

Alice smirked, "Edward is all alone you know, he loves to talk on trips. Think of all you could ask him." I didn't see the look he shot Alice. I shrugged, "I guess I'll ride with Edward."

"Yeah!" She bounced up and down clapping happily. "You will enjoy it. I promise." Alice led me to the car ignoring the evil glare on Edward's face, I glanced at him but his face had changed to one of indifference. She opened the door for me and smiled, "If you get bored call me, we can always change seating arrangements."

"I will."

I got in realizing Edward was already inside. He ignored me starting the car and turning up the radio a little. I fastened my seatbelt as he sped out onto the street with Emmett close behind. It was peaceful and I relaxed as the sounds of classical music drifted lightly in the air. I found myself drifting off and decided it was a long trip, probably wouldn't hurt to take a nap.

"Bella?" I heard my name but it was as if it were through a thick fog. "Bella?" I heard again and felt a cool hand on my leg. I jumped and Edward jerked his hand back. "Sorry, are you hungry?"

"I could eat." I didn't know how long I had slept but I realized my stomach did feel empty.

"What sounds good? We'll grab something and continue, wait do I need to stop for you to…" His brow was furrowed as if he were at a loss on what to say.

"Go to the bathroom?" I finished for him although the look on his face was so worth it. He nodded and I shrugged, "Probably wouldn't hurt." I saw a Burger King sign and pointed, "Burger King will work." He agreed and pulled in following me inside, "What do you usually order?"

"Whopper with cheese, french fries and a sprite." I answered looking at him over my shoulder as I headed to the bathroom, "I'll order when I come back." I returned to find him leaning on the wall and smiled heading to the counter. He grabbed my arm, "I got your lunch."

Noticing it there was only one drink and one bag I frowned, "What about you?"

"Not hungry, I had an extremely large breakfast." I sighed, "I could have gotten it, but thank you."

"No problem, want to eat on the way?"

"Sure." I answered because it was apparent that's what he wanted to do. I followed him out and got into the car taking the bag as he handed it to me. He slid my drink into the drink holder beside me and we headed back out. I occasionally felt his gaze on me but I didn't look back.

"Is it sufficient?" He asked as I placed half of the burger back in the bag. He had the oddest way of asking things, you'd think he was from the nineteen hundreds or something.

"Yeah, its fine I am just getting full."

He nodded and returned his eyes to the road. I took a minute to look him over; it didn't take a rocket scientist to acknowledge he was extremely handsome. I don't know why I never paid attention before, but I didn't. His hair was in its usual state of disarray. He was wearing a pair of black boots and jeans that looked like they were custom made to fit his body. His sweater was tan and clung to him in all the right places. I didn't realize until now he had removed his black jacket and tossed it in the back seat. I guess he felt my appraisal and he turned looking at me silently. His eyes were so intense I looked away.

"Do you like classical music?" He asked as he flipped through songs on his CD player.

"I like all kinds of music, but I do have an appreciation for classical as well. It always relaxes me." He nodded, "You choose a station, or CD. My CD carrier is in the back seat." I reached back and looked through it but decided I didn't want to listen to something specific and settled with just changing the channel to a pop station that was playing Paramore. He smiled at me, "You never did text me back last night. Did I run you off?"

I bit my lip for a moment then took a deep breath looking out the window, "I had homework." Not to mention I can never figure out his moods. He was worse than a female when it was that time of month, talk about your mood swings. One minute he is ignoring me and the next he wants to talk about texting? I am so confused. "Besides you sounded as if you didn't want to talk anymore." I continued.

"Bella, it's not that I don't want to. This is more about you and what would be best for you, though I am not doing what I should be anyway."

"What ignoring me?"

"Pretty much." He answered honestly though I was shocked he said it. Wow talk about making a girl feel like crap. He chuckled, "Nothing personal of course. I just don't like to get involved with females too much."

"Why are you gay?" I slipped and then blushed when I realize what I just asked him. He really laughed then, "Not last time I checked. You see I find myself in the same predicament you do. I don't want to deal with the hassles that come along with a girlfriend or having female friends for that matter. It always gets complicated."

"It doesn't have to." I meant it, it really didn't have to. I can be friends with a guy without developing feelings for him. In fact it would be nice to have a male opinion on some things.

"Really?" He glanced at me raising an eyebrow. "You think it can be simple?"

"If two people agree on it in the beginning then yeah." At least that is what I keep telling myself anyway. He looked back at the road, "How do you keep feelings from evolving then?"

"If you are only friends then what is to evolve?"

"I guess." He sighed running his hand through his hair. "Do you want to be my friend?"

I was stunned that he asked me like that, who asks you to be their friend? It just happens and you just are. I fumbled with my fingers, "Do you want me to?" He watched me a moment then I was sure I heard him curse as he looked out the window. He never answered me and suddenly there was unspoken tension in the air.

"I guess I have my answer." I mumbled. He sighed taping on the steering wheel then responded. "I didn't say anything."

"Exactly." I responded looking at him through my certain of hair, "You asked me and I asked you and you didn't respond." Wow that was a mouthful and I am not sure if I confused him but I sure did confuse myself.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked watching me curious. I shook my head irritated, "You are so infuriating! I want you to say the truth, no use in candy coating it you know? I'm a big girl I can handle it." He fought against a smile which made me angrier. I took out my phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling Alice so I can change rides or something." He grabbed it hanging up and slipping it in his pocket, "I like the company."

"You are trying to make my life hell aren't you? I don't understand why." He didn't laugh he just looked at me with the most beautiful tortured look I have ever seen, he should be in movies I mean women would be swooning left and right.

"I am sorry Bella. I like to tease you too much I guess. I just like to see your face flush when you get angry. You look extremely beautiful when you blush." Did he really just say I looked beautiful? Not only beautiful but extremely beautiful? I really blushed then. He grinned, "Lovely."

"Stop." I managed turning away. He reached over and patted my hand. His hand was ice cold but what caught my attention was the spark that went through me, it was electric, I wasn't prepared for it and I don't think he was either. Our eyes immediately met and I can't explain the intensity I felt, well I think that both of us felt. He turned away and pulled his hand into his lap. His face held an expression I cannot identify. I tried to calm my now pounding heart and looked away.

We were silent until we arrived at our destination. It was extremely beautiful although I am not the biggest fan of the cold, I do appreciate scenery and it was breathtaking. I got out immediately grabbing my coat from the back seat and slipping it on. I saw the Mercedes was already there, they had continued when we stopped to eat. I heard the trunk close and felt his hand on my back, "Let's go inside." I would have followed him but he seemed content to let me lead.

I opened the door and looked inside, now mind you I have never been in a cabin but this was beyond a cabin, this was more like a mansion or something, It was log yes but the vaulted ceilings were lined with huge wood beams. It had a rustic charm and I could tell the decorator had a knack for this sort of thing. The furniture was all brown leather and a huge cream colored rug adorned the middle of the wooden floor. It matched perfectly with the plaid blankets folded neatly on the back of the couch and the large oversized chairs. My eyes finally drifted to the fireplace which was roaring, the sound of the wood softly crackling making me immediately want to curl up in front of it and take a long nap.

"What do you think?" Edward asked as he passed me grinning.

"It's wonderful, it's like a private winter wonderland I expect Santa to pop in." I had to laugh at myself, I was totally blowing any chance I had of seeming cool and collected. I moved in front of the fireplace warming my hands and sighed, "Can I just stay here?"

I felt the hair on my neck stand up as his cool breath floated across my neck, "If you want to." I shivered and turned and being typical clumsy Bella ran right into him. His bag fell off his shoulder as he reached to keep me from falling back. I never realized he was so hard, ouch he must work out or something. His grip was strong on my upper arms and I looked up to meet his impossibly gorgeous eyes. He was extremely still. I didn't move either not that I could have the way he was holding me against him. Wait, against him? I was against him. Did I mention he smells wonderful? I couldn't break free from his eyes, it was as if I could drown in them and I didn't care. I heard the door slam and suddenly he pushed me away and grabbed his bag. Alice danced happily in, "You're finally here! Come on I'll show you where you will be staying, you will love it!" I had no choice but to follow her as her cold hand grabbed mine and pulled me along. I glanced at him one last time and as I expected his eyes were following me.

"Our bedrooms are apart from each other that way we all have privacy. Yours is right here." I walked in seeing my bag already on the huge bed. "It's beautiful Alice."

"Thank my mom, she loves to decorate." I felt something and turned to see Edward who had stopped in the doorway. He smiled slightly and continued to his room. Alice turned to look behind her and then back to me smiling knowingly. "You should get to know my parents they really want to meet you."

"Meet me why?" What had she possibly told them? I was scared to guess.

"Why not? I've told them all about you." She sat on my bed. "I think we'll be really good friends Bell. I need a best friend I mean I have Jasper but it's just not the same and since I came to Forks I, well…we don't fit in so much." As she spoke I felt like she was repeating my story, I felt exactly the same way only I didn't verbalize it.

"I know what you mean."

She giggled leaning closer and whispered. "Besides I think you cheer up our depressed Edward." I was shocked by that statement.

"He's depressed?" I asked uncertain of her words. She nodded, "Well…he is the only one of us that is single so he tends to keep to himself, not to mention the girls all fawn over him. He doesn't like that he just wants to be accepted for who he is you know? They all want him because they think he's this Adonis or something."

"He does look like a male model Alice." I responded starting to unload my bag. She shrugged, "Yeah but what do you see?"

"What do you mean?" I wasn't sure what she was asking specifically. "I mean when you look at Edward what do you see?"

"I don't know he seems deep in thought a lot. He sometimes looks at me and his eyes hold so many different emotions it's hard to tell what exactly is going on in his head. I was surprised when we spoke the other day at just how intelligent he is. I guess I was guilty of characterizing him as shallow. There is something tortured about him, like he's hiding something and is afraid for the world to find out."

Alice smiled squealing, "You read him well Bella, no one else would have seen that." I sighed, "Well I was ignoring the issue of his severe mood swings and asking you if he was on medication." She laughed hard, "Oh Bella, you are too funny!" I looked up to see Rosalie leaning on the doorframe. She smiled, "Hi Bella, I'm Rosalie." I waved and noticed she was dressed in an all white ski suit with a fluffy hat and looked extremely beautiful as always. I wondered how long it took her to get ready to go anywhere. Alice stood, "I have your ski suit, and it's in the closet. You change and we'll get going."

I frowned, this should be interesting. I'll never make it off of the lift or whatever they used here. Dressing in a dark blue suit she had for me I looked in the mirror amazed at how well it fit. It's now or never I told myself as I opened the door and met them downstairs.

"Hola Bella." Emmett stood pulling me into his arms like he'd known me forever. I giggled, "Hi Emmett." I waved at Jasper and he winked slipping his arm around Alice. "To the slopes!" Emmett yelled excited and they all started out. I sat by the door looking at the large boots Alice had given me. This will be a job I thought trying to figure them out.

"Let me help you." I knew who it was, his voice was unmistakable. He kneeled taking my foot in his hands our eyes met a moment and I swear if I could spontaneously combust I would. He smiled lopsidedly and slipped the boot on having it all fastened up in no time. He then followed the same motions with the other side.

"All done." He patted my knee and stood. "You ready for this?"

"I just hope they have a hospital close, I can see it now." He laughed and started walking. I followed him. "So you wonder if I am on medication huh?"

I immediately jumped and turned red. He smirked at me again this was getting to be a habit.

"Lovely." He said just like he had said earlier in the car. I frowned, "Won't be when my nose is all runny and red."

"I'll bet you are still cute even when you are sick." He responded sweetly. I glared, "You are just trying to trick me and pretend you are my friend or something then you'll just ignore me again." He looked down, "I'm not pretending."

"So you are my friend?" I asked watching his face. Dressed in his cream colored outfit he looked like an angel who fell to earth, it brought out his dark eyes and hair making them even browner if that is possible. He stopped and turned to me, "What do you want me to say?" He was reversing the roles on me.

"Does it matter?" I asked gauging his reaction. He looked at me sadly, "Yes it does, because I tend to do what I shouldn't when it comes to you."

"What does that mean?" I moved a step closer as his eyes fell to the ground. "What do you want me to say?" He said again. I groaned turning and stomping off, I was met by a warm chuckle and his hands grabbing my waist and lifting me quickly to face the other direction.

"Wrong way love." Did he just call me love? Did I imagine how wonderful it sounded coming from his lips? No I didn't, it did. I began to walk off but I was pinned in place by his hands that were still on my waist. I felt him against my back and I know my temperature just jumped a hundred degrees. I closed my eyes involuntarily as my heart did little flip flops, not to mention my stomach was twisting so bad I wanted to throw up.

I felt his breath tickling my neck, "Ah Bella, Bella." He said leaning close to my ear. "You truly have no idea what I want to be to you." It was a statement not a question. I turned to look over my shoulder at him and he froze his eyes never leaving mine. I felt his cool hand against my jaw and unconsciously leaned into it. He suddenly groaned and jumped back leaving me cold and momentarily stunned.

He slid his hands into his pockets and began to walk, "Come on we'll miss all the fun." I followed him and fell into place beside him. We walked in a comfortable silence. I didn't want to question what had just happened. I figure it will play itself out eventually. We came upon the others who were skiing happily and I shook my head, "Hospital here I come."

"How much are you against being close to me?" He asked as he slipped onto his snowboard. I had no clue where this line of questioning was going.

"Why?"

"You can come with me."

"What?" I asked curious. He smiled widely, "Come here and put your feet on the board."

"How can you move it if I am on it too, it will be too heavy."

"I have strong legs." He said grinning, "Come on my little snow bunny. Trust me."

I sighed stepping on the board facing him. He looked down amused, "Bella, there are many things we can do in this position, boarding isn't one of them, turn around love." I felt the crimson on my face now. I turned quickly but I still heard his faint laugh. His hands slipped around my waist and he leaned down, "Relax and let me lead, I won't let you fall." I had no idea how he planned on doing this but whatever. I placed my arms over his and held onto his wrists as he shoved off. I was totally and utterly scared out of my wits but the longer we moved the more comfortable I got with his movements and anticipating which way the board needed to turn. Suddenly it was fun. I relaxed into him and looked out at the beautiful snow covered trees. I wish I had brought my camera.

I don't know how long we did this before he led us back to where the others were. Alice ran over smiling, "Did you like it?"

"It was wonderful!" I said excited. She flashed her white teeth, "You look so cute, like Rudolph." She touched my nose and giggled. I felt like I was moving and looked down as I was set in front of her. He must seriously work out with weights because he is unusually strong.

"Would you like soup for dinner?" She asked waiting for me to answer. "It's nice and warm."

I nodded then realized Edward was still behind me, his hands still resting on my hips and we were not on the board. Funny thing was no one acted like this was out of the ordinary. It was as if I had been there all along. Unless he treated all of Alice's guests this way, which from what she said was out of the question. Not that I minded he could stay like this as long as he wanted.

She turned and began to walk inside and again he held me still leaning to my ear, "I want to show you something."

"Ok."

Releasing my waist he took my arm and led me a good distance away where the small lake was frozen, the ice sparkling beautifully. I gasped moving closer, "Look how it sparkles." He said nothing as I looked around just stood back letting me do as I pleased.

"I have a theory." I said not turning towards him. "What is the theory?" He asked me from behind.

"I think snow is an angel spreading its wings, I think they open their beautifully iridescent wings and then beautiful snowflakes fall like glitter cast away from a Christmas ornament and it falls to the earth spreading unparalleled beauty."

"You have quite the imagination."

"So I've been told." I said turning to see him. He smiled and it was genuine. "I think it is a beautiful theory none the less."

"I am glad you enjoyed it." I kneeled and picked up some snow, "When I was little I always loved making snow angels, did you do that?"

"I don't recall." He answered kneeling beside me.

"I did, snow angels and snow ice cream, sounds bad I know but you mix it with vanilla and condensed milk. It was really quite good. My mom always made sugar cookies in Christmas shapes. I got to add the sparkles. I loved the yellow stars and green Christmas trees. That was before she and my father split up though, she wasn't the same after and we stopped doing it." He touched my chin and I noticed his eyes held a sudden sadness, "Show me."

"Show you what?"

"How to make snow angels, I want to try it."

I know my face brightened and I stood walking past him and plopping in the cold snow demonstrating. I stood and pointed, "See snow angel." He chuckled and sat down making his own. He stood and smiled, "Interesting."

"You forgot the horns." I said watching his face. He turned to me with a wild look in his eyes and I screamed and took off. I knew he would catch me but I didn't care, I have not been this free in a long time and it felt good. I felt myself being tackled and braced for a hard fall but it never came. We landed in the snow and his hand around my waist kept me from landing painfully, not to mention he turned me onto my side so I landed more on him than the ground not that he was any softer. Again, hard as a rock but I did have an advantage. I was almost straddling him and since I was so close I took advantage of it and moved to sit up and straddle his slim waist.

"So I was thinking Mr. Cullen now that I have you pinned you are at my mercy." I grinned down at him. I felt him shift and his hands rest on my thighs, "Really what will you do with me Miss. Swan?"

"I don't know. Make you answer a few questions maybe." I really didn't know what to do but questions sounded good.

"Ask away snow bunny."

"What do you want to be to me?" I asked and could see by his immediate frown he didn't want to answer this question. Hey, he did say ask away and guess what? I wanted an answer and he was going to give it to me.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Previously…**_

"_**So I was thinking Mr. Cullen now that I have you pinned you are at my mercy." I grinned down at him. I felt him shift and his hands rest on my thighs, "Really what will you do with me Miss. Swan?"**_

"_**I don't know. Make you answer a few questions maybe." I really didn't know what to do but questions sounded good.**_

"_**Ask away snow bunny."**_

"_**What do you want to be to me?" I asked and could see by his immediate frown he didn't want to answer this question. Hey, he did say ask away and guess what? I wanted an answer and he was going to give it to me. **_

"I'll bet your dinner is ready and waiting. It will be nice and warm." He was trying to distract me, leave it to him to avoid my question. Did I mention how good he looks lying on his back? Wait again… too fast I am going way too fast. I don't even know what he thinks of me and here I am fawning. Nope that stops right now.

I leaned closer, "You know I am going to let you win this one, I think you want me too right?" I could smell him and I have no idea how he could possible smell this good. He suddenly rolled us and I was pinned by him. I wasn't sure what he was going to do but he surprised me by standing.

"Come on you should eat." His voice was monotone. Here comes the mood swings again. We went inside and I could smell the wonderful soup I am assuming Alice made, that is until I saw the woman with the light brown hair at the stove. She turned, "Hello dear, I'm Esme Edward's mother."

I smiled. She was beautiful. "Nice to meet you." I can't believe this entire family is so beautiful. Sucks to be me I guess. She set a bowl on the table. "Here you go, I know you must be famished." Edward slipped off his jacket and smiled over his shoulder, "Enjoy dinner." I watched as he disappeared from view. Alice bounced in sitting across from me. "Want to watch movies later?"

"Sure."

"Did you have fun Bella? I hope my brother wasn't too annoying. He can be a little intense at times, but he really is sweet."

"He seems nice, and yes I had a wonderful time. I was scared at first but then it was so much fun!" I got excited and we both chuckled.

"Bella would you like a drink?" Esme asked holding the refrigerator open.

"Yes, a coke is fine. Thank you." She set the coke on the table and smiled kindly, "You enjoy it sweetheart. I have to go speak with Carlisle." I figured that must be their dad. She left and I sighed, "Your family are all so pretty. How do you do it?" My eyes fell on Alice for an answer.

"We eat our veges?" She said in a question but laughed. I completed the soup and rinsed my bowl. I took my time allowing my eyes to roam over the huge kitchen. It was spotless, not to mention nice.

"Come on Bells! Movies!" I looked up and Emmett smiled, "Hurry, hurry." He said again. I laughed and set the bowl in the dishwasher following him and Alice. They mostly sat on the floor with huge pillows but I chose to sit further back on the couch. I am still not extremely comfortable although they have all been nice to me.

Emmett pushed start and turned to me grinning, "Iron Man. Have you seen it?"

"No, can't say I have."

"It is so awesome, this guy he…"Rosalie hit him, "Let her watch mouth." I had to smile they were too cute. Funny I would not have taken him as her type but he seems to balance her in a good way. I noticed Edward was not present but I didn't look for him. I curled up in the corner of the couch and after about twenty minutes I felt a blanket tossed over the couch and turned to see Edward walking around.

"You looked cold."

"Thanks." I said as he sat beside me. We watched the movie and then they put in another one but by now my eyes were drifting shut. My body jerked but it was nothing new I always slept restless. It never woke me up. I felt a cool hand on my forehead, "Bella move up." I opened my eyes barely but I did notice the television was off and it was quiet. I felt myself being scooted forward and then something move behind me.

My covers were moved a little to enclose me then I felt an arm on my waist. "Sleep." I heard softly in my ear. I was too tired to care who moved me all I knew is I wanted to sleep and that was exactly what I did. I awoke later the next morning alone on the couch. I could hear them talking in the kitchen, well more like arguing.

"Edward you are overacting." Alice pleaded. I heard Edward groan, "I am not, you are pushing the limit Alice, you are pushing me I told you this was a bad idea. It is something she should have to handle like a normal person and not with you trying to soften the blow."

"It was the right thing to do." She said back. I then heard something like a brick hitting a wall. "For who? She is a child. You are dragging her into something dangerous!" I knew it was Edward though I have never heard him angry.

"You are just mad because for once your cold heart actually cares. You can't hide forever Romeo, you are bound to break sometime and she will need you." Alice said back with slight irritation in her voice.

"Guys this isn't helping, let's calm down and…" I heard a male voice but I was unsure who it was, I figured it out when I heard two people say shut up Jasper at the same time.

"You made a mistake Alice, she shouldn't be around us. She should not be here. You know if the timing is right it can be avoided."

Alice spoke then, "I am trying to keep it from happening! I can't time it Edward I keep telling you that! She is exactly where she should be for now. Get over yourself! You know this as well as I, especially after seeing you laying beside her this morning. She should be here." I didn't have to guess who they were talking about. It could only be me.

"She was restless." He was trying to justify his actions, great I feel important now. I heard an odd growl then Alice again, "Why did you feel inclined to make her calm?"

I didn't hear a response but I heard the door slam. I sat up feeling terrible that I had started all of this. I felt like crap now, I thought he liked me that we could be friends and now I see he doesn't want me here. I suddenly wanted to go home and not be here anymore.

Alice walked into the living room then and her scowl quickly turned into a smile, "Morning Bella how did you sleep?"

"Fine until someone woke me up moving me around, kind of cut into my sleeping." I was angry and although I didn't mean what I said I would not let him think he was such a great couch companion. She chuckled, "Well I am sorry about that, are you hungry? Esme made pancakes for you."

"You sound like me." I said as I stood. She looked at me oddly, "What do you mean?"

"I call my dad Charlie like you call your parents by their first name." She realized what I meant and shrugged, "Habit I guess with him being a doctor we are always doing these stupid society things and the formal addressing just kind of stuck I guess."

I followed her to the kitchen and ate in silence stopping when I heard the door. I knew it was him. Alice shot him a dirty look from across the table and I tried to hide my smile, at least she wanted me here. He walked by stopping to lean on a free chair. "How are you this morning Snow bunny?"

"My name is Bella and I am quite good and you? You seem kind of uptight." I knew I sounded catty I meant to. He deserved no less after his little stunt. I have decided now after seeing his stupid handsome face that I want nothing to do with the little twit. He frowned obviously confused by my reaction, "I am fine, I went for walk."

"Good, I hope you were careful I wouldn't want you to slip and break your neck or anything." I saw the way his eyes narrowed and stood passing him, "Alice I was thinking of just staying in today, if it's ok." She was confused now by my attitude toward him but jumped up following me.

"Wait, we are going skiing again, don't you want to…"

"No." I cut her off. "I don't feel good and I'd prefer to stay in. When are we headed home?"

"Later tonight. "

"Good. I will be riding with you." I then stomped off to my room.

Alice turned to Edward, "You are such an Idiot! She heard you."

"Good, then she won't be a problem."

"You don't mean that! Edward you need her even if you are too much of an ass to admit it!" She turned walking out. He sighed, no use in arguing he was fighting a lost cause.

The trip back was uneventful. I rode with Alice and Rosalie they made the boys ride together. I knew Alice was aware I was upset but she didn't push me to answer why. Edward simply ignored me like before, he did ask me to carry my bag, which I allowed but other than that we didn't speak. I could see him occasionally glance at me when we were together but it made no sense to me especially since he didn't want me around.

I arrived home and thanked Alice. I then went inside greeted Charlie and informed him about the trip then took a shower and went to bed. I was so not looking forward to school tomorrow.

It was a typical Monday hearing all my friends talk about their weekends. I lied and said I stayed home. I was surprised Jen didn't comment when Emmett and Rosalie said hello. It was at lunch and I was sitting with Jen when my past came to haunt me. I looked up to find Alice and Jasper sitting down in front of me. She smiled, "Hey! I have one of your shirts, evidently you left it in the bathroom and Esme picked it up for you."

"Oh." I saw Jen glance at me and I smiled politely at her, "Great, I'll make sure to get it back sometime." I continued to eat and she began again, "How about this weekend? I was thinking about you and me and Rosalie having a girl's night out. It will give Edward a chance to get his head screwed on straight."

I was shocked she told me that but more shocked what I would say to Jen after this. She would be looking for dirt now. Jasper tossed a fry at me while I was lost in thought and I turned smirking, "Who knew you had good aim?"

"Actually Alice did." He pointed his thumb at Alice and she shrugged, "Occasionally but mine's usually better." She tossed a fry and it landed directly in my potatoes.

"See."

I frowned, "Ok hold off on the fry throwing here. I was trying to eat you know." I stopped my rant as soon as I saw Edward who was now walking by he stopped leaning to Jasper's ear and whispering then glanced at me for a moment before walking off."

"It would be a shame if he tripped over a chair or something." I thought before I realized I had said it out loud. Alice chuckled and quickly put her hand over her mouth. I noticed he had turned and looked at me with an unreadable expression.

Jasper let out a deep breath, "Ok extremely tense here." He stood kissing Alice, "Meet you outside." He winked at me and then walked off to a waiting Edward. I groaned as they left and Alice looked back and forth. "Bella, if it helps he feels bad." She was pretty much ignoring the fact Jen was sitting there pretending not to listen.

"Good, he should." I grabbed my tray. "I'll see you in class. I have a few things I need to do before then." I left both of them and quickly exited trying to think of the excuse I would tell Jennifer because now I was in so deep it would have to be a good lie to get me out of this.

I made a stop at the bathroom then outside immediately seeing the Cullen's tossing something around playfully. Rosalie waved and I smiled but it turned into a frown when Edward looked. He could rot for all I care. He didn't want me around so be it. I would ignore him just like I had been. I convinced Jen I would call her later and tell her the story but it was too long to go in to at school. That would delay her and give me time to think of a really good story. The day was long and I was glad when I was finally be home. Charlie went to bed early and I did the usual cleaning and went to bed myself. I was awakened to an awful smell. For a while I tossed until finally awakening with a cough.

I sat up seeing the dark smoke that filled my room. Oh my god! My body was so in shock it wasn't reacting. I finally got up looking to the door and saw the fire blazing outside. My god! Charlie. I ran to the door but the doorknob burned my hand. I coughed again. I heard glass shattering and turned as I struggled to breathe. I saw a shadow moving closer in the darkness and then finally it was in front of me lifting me in strong arms.

"My father."

"I'm sorry Bella, it is too late. His room is engulfed I couldn't get to him." I knew that voice but in the panic it took me a moment to focus. "Please we have to try." I began to struggle against him and he gripped harder as he carried me out the window and perched on the tree outside.

"I am sorry, you can't go inside. The firemen will be here soon." I looked up and realized it was Edward. His face was full of concern but my focus was my dad. I didn't question how he knew or why he was there, but I was glad he was. He jumped from the tree and landed on his feet like it was a simple thing to do. I barely even felt the impact. He ran and finally set me down close to the curb.

I turned gasping as my house my life went up into flames. I went to move and he grabbed my arm, "No Bella, please I tried. It's too late." It sunk in what he was saying and I felt my knees weaken. He caught me as I broke down in between coughs.

"Shh…it's ok love. I'm sorry." I head him whispering to me as he stroked my back gently. I heard the sirens and they asked Edward who I was and if he knew about anyone else being in the house. He told them what he had told me. I heard him talking to someone else and glanced up seeing Alice. She pushed my hair back, "Oh Bella. I tried I'm sorry, I couldn't tell when. I'm sorry." She kept apologizing over and over. I had no idea what she was talking about but it didn't matter.

The paramedics tried to pull me away from Edward but I fought, I can't lose someone else not now. He lifted my chin, "It's ok Bella, it's ok. I'll go with you." I was hysterical and he knew it. He continued to say calming words and gently touch me when he could. I don't remember the ride to the hospital. I remember the stupid mask they kept on my face and the bright lights of the ER. I didn't like the IV in my arm either but they insisted, the fluids only made me cold.

They were drawing blood, taking x-rays and all kind of things before I could even blink. I continued to shake crying without sound when Edward returned to my bedside. "My dad will be in shortly he had to look at your x-ray."

"Your dad?" Then I remembered he was a physician I just didn't get to meet him on the trip. He was busy with something but I have no idea what. He took my hand leaning on the bed railing, "How do you feel." His thumb brushed the tear that fell.

"Scared. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to live with my mom."

"Don't worry about that now, I meant physically. Do you hurt?"

I thought a minute, "My lungs are sore but other than that no." I saw a handsome blonde man walk in verbally directing the nurse as he looked at the chart in his hands and then he looked at me. "Hello Bella, I'm Dr. Cullen how are you feeling?"

"Ok." I answered gripping the sheet nervously. He smiled he had a very friendly face. "I am going to listen to you for a minute ok? I need to hear your heart and lungs."

"Ok."

The nurse returned with a syringe and started to lift my tubing. She then eyed me, "No allergies correct?"

"Yes, no allergies." She injected the tube and I looked at Dr. Cullen who was writing. "What is she giving me?" I asked tasting the weirdest flavor in my mouth. He patted my hand, "I'm sorry some of the medications you can taste. It's ativan a medication to help you relax."

"I don't need to relax." I argued. "I have to figure things out."

"In time Bella, in time. Your lungs got smoke in them and I need you to rest and allow them to heal. You will need to stay over night for observation and we will see how you are tomorrow ok?"

I felt a sudden weight come over me and it was making me sleepy.

"Stay with her Edward, we'll have her in a room soon. She doesn't need to be alone." I heard him agree but then I closed my eyes feeling only his cool hand drift to my head for a minute and then it all disappeared.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Previously…**_

"_**In time Bella, in time. Your lungs got smoke in them and I need you to rest and allow them to heal. You will need to stay over night for observation and we will see how you are tomorrow ok?"**_

_**I felt a sudden weight come over me and it was making me sleepy. **_

"_**Stay with her Edward, we'll have her in a room soon. She doesn't need to be alone." I heard him agree but then I closed my eyes feeling only his cool hand drift to my head for a minute and then it all disappeared.**_

I awoke to the sun shining in my window. It took me a minute to remember where I was and the terrible events of the night. "Daddy." I said quietly feeling pain overwhelm me.

"Bella?" I jumped hearing the male voice beside me. I turned to see his beautiful face looking at me.

"How do you feel?" He asked calmly. I shrugged, "I feel ok. My head hurts a little." He nodded acknowledging my answer and sat back, "Your mom is on her way."

"My mom? No, no you can't have her come. She will make a scene and turn it all on her. This place will be a circus." My face was probably full of panic. I was suddenly dreading this day more than I had. His hand slipped onto mine, "We had to call her sweetheart, it was unavoidable."

"I'm actually surprised she can take time out of her busy schedule to come but then again she wants the exposure." I said angry. I could see the confusion in his face.

"Renee Gail." I offered. He shook his head, "The actress what about her?"

"Renee Gail Swan." I filled in sadly. She hid me for years while she made herself a household name. I refused to live that life; Charlie loved me and helped me keep my head on straight. She on the other hand didn't have time for me."

"I'm sorry." A sad expression crossed his face and I actually believed he meant it.

"Why are you here?" I asked finally. "Why are you pretending to care when you didn't want me around." He sat silent for a long moment then cleared his throat. "I never stopped caring, I just thought it was best. I thought Alice could…it doesn't matter what I thought. I knew you needed me and I am here now. You'll have to excuse my behavior before it wasn't appropriate. I apologize."

"You ignored me."

"I know, I am sorry. I was trying to do what was best for you. I am not what you needed to be around. I am not the best at this kind of thing." He said flustered. "I am not the nicest guy."

"Shouldn't I be able to make that determination?" I asked. He grinned at that. "I suppose you should, again I am sorry."

"Well, I guess I'll think about forgiving you. If you bring me Starbucks I am likely to forgive you sooner." I smiled back at him. He smirked, "That easy huh? Well I guess I should head to Starbucks, maybe I'll even get a hug out of it."

"I will give you a hug now, I owe you one."

"You owe me nothing." He stood leaning over me, "Now, about that hug." I laughed pulling him close. I could hear him sigh contently before he leaned back to meet my eyes. I had not realized his face was so close. He smelt wonderful. His breath caressed my face lightly as he spoke. "I'll get you that Starbucks now, any particular requests?"

I couldn't think of anything except him when he was this close, not that I minded. I noticed when his eyes fell to my lips and he leaned closer. I thought he would kiss me and suddenly a look of realization crossed his face and he stood faster than I have seen anyone stand.

"I would like a caramel frappuccino."

"Sounds wonderful, I'll be back soon." He said obviously wanting to get out of the room as quick as possible. I smiled as he left. He really is kind of cute, ok he is beyond cute but he's real standoffish. I thought a moment ok so he's not standoffish but he's distant, maybe that is the word I am searching for.

The door slammed open and I tried not to get an upset stomach when my mom happily walked into the room. Her assistant trailing behind like an obedient puppy.

"Bella Darling! Are you ok? I was so worried, I came as quick as I finished filming." You see where her priorities lie right? She kissed my cheek and took my hand in hers. I groaned inwardly at all of the sparkly diamonds adorning her fingers. It didn't look elegant to me which I am sure was the desired effect. In fact it looked gaudy.

"I have made the funeral arrangements for my poor Charlie. You will love it, flowers galore. I brought him the perfect Armani suit. I also brought you something dear, you will look spectacular." I would not let her make a mockery of him. I had heard quite enough.

"He will not wear an Armani suit Renee it is not something he would have bought and I am not wearing some designer crap you got me. You are acting like this is a style show. My father died, you know the man you left to be this crappy star with no emotions for."

How dare you act like this, I am your mother." She cried angrily. She acted like I owed her something, but then she thought everyone did.

"You haven't been my mother in a long time." I replied.

She looked at me funny but didn't argue. She turned to her assistant, "Kate could you wait outside a moment." Kate left quietly and my mom turned to me. "I know what you must think but Bella, I did love your father. He simply could not take me where I wanted to go, we outgrew each other. I still love you even if you think I don't."

"Your career was more important and you know it."

"Well yes at the time I needed to get noticed. I am a household name now, I can spend time with you."

"Great! I am thrilled you suddenly have time for me." I wailed loudly. "You are not welcome here!"

Her eyes filled with tears and she turned her back, "I did this didn't I? I made you hate me." _I could kick myself, great._ I hesitated, "Mom I don't hate you but I don't feel it's right for you to be here pretending you care about him. Pay for the service, whatever makes you feel better but don't come in here with all of the media and try to gain sympathy from the public. It's pathetic. He deserved better and you know it."

"What are your plans?" She asked looking out the window.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. She nodded, "I can help you if you want. I know you won't come with me. I have sent Charlie money for years. I know he put it in an account for you so you would have something when you were older."

I had no idea she did this or that he had it. He never told me. She smiled sadly, "I'll take care of college when you go or a car, whatever. I can't make up for what I did but I can at least help you. If you will let me, that way you can save what Charlie stored for you until you are ready."

"I guess that sound reasonable. I would appreciate the help with college."

"A new car Bella, that truck isn't safe for a young lady. Pick one out, I'll take care of it." She said watching my face. I shook my head deciding I would test that theory. If I knew mom she wouldn't spend more than necessary after all she wasn't the one who would be seen in it.

"You know I've always wanted a Bugatti. I heard a friend at school talking about it and he was saying it was the most beautiful car." I was being sarcastic mainly because I knew she wouldn't get it, I mean it's expensive and I have no idea what it looks like. I just wanted to be a pain. My anger with her still lingered. It's not like I am that knowledgeable about cars. "A silver one with a white interior is what I've always imagined getting when I bought a car. It is suppose to be the perfect sports car."

She shrugged and moved closer to me. "Who is this Dr. Cullen, he called me and asked if I minded you staying with them until you made further plans. How do you know him?"

"He's the father of a few friends. He seems nice." I didn't mention I had only met him once. I figured the whole thing was Alice's idea. We both turned as the door opened. Edward looked from me to her and extended his hand, "Edward Cullen."

She raised an eyebrow to me and shook his hand, "Renee, I am Bella's mother. How do you know her? If you don't mind me asking."

He handed me my drink and smiled politely, "She is a friend, I actually met her through my sister Alice. We've taken her skiing. She's like an adopted member of our family." I couldn't believe he had said that, it's not like I really knew them. I figured he was playing into her too.

"I see."

Dr Cullen walked in with my chart smiling, "Hello Ms. Gail. I'm Dr. Cullen. It is so nice to meet Bella's mom finally." She gave him the once over and I knew what she was thinking by her smile, "Nice to meet you."

He turned focusing his attention on me. "How are you feeling Bella?"

"Ok, I am ready to get out of here."

He laughed, "I can imagine you are. My wife and Alice have already gotten you a room decorated if your mom decides to let you stay with us." He glanced at her expectantly. She nodded, "If that is what she want's I won't stand in the way. She's almost an adult and my life doesn't seem to be right for her."

"Bella?" He questioned turning back to me. I looked at Edward, he and I in the same house? Talk about tension. He patted my hand, "I would really like it if you would, Alice is excited to have you around more often."

"Really?" I asked confused. He chuckled, "You know she loves your company. Besides, you can finish school here and make plans from there. You can ride with us to school and we'll try to make the adjustment as easy as possible." I wasn't sure about living with them but then I was not going to live with my mom and at least they expressed an interest in me. I never even told anyone about my mom. I was ashamed and I didn't want anyone asking me questions or hounding me.

"Bella?" Dr. Cullen asked questioning. I nodded yes. He smiled, "Good, so it's settled. Edward will take you home after you are discharged."

"Ok." I said nervously. When he left my mom sat beside me watching Edward curiously, "So Edward what do you think about Bugatti?"

He raised an eyebrow, "The car?"

"Yes, I assume you are a car man." She said boldly. He smirked, "I am so to speak. I have a few, I think they are very nice cars. The veyron is the newest I think. It's a beautiful piece of machinery. I hear it drives like a dream, my brother Jasper looked at one. I personally wouldn't know."

"Hmmm." She said turning back to me. "I'll let you pick out your fathers suit since that's what you want."

"I think he would want something simple."

"That's fine. You take care of it and what you want to wear. I'll get the information for Charlie's account for you by the end of the day ok?"

"Ok."

"I won't make a scene, you are right about what you said earlier. I won't do that to you. I owe you this much." I didn't disagree, she was right after all. She stood, "I will call you later, feel free to call me if you need anything. I will be flying out as soon as you are taken care of."

"It was good seeing you Renee."

She smiled, "Anything you need Bella, now or whenever call me. Let me know about the college thing."

"I will."

She nodded to Edward and walked out. He turned to me touching my hand, "You two aren't that close are you?"

"No."

He exhaled softly, "Why was she asking me about the car? She looking?"

I laughed, "Actually she said she would buy me one and I told her that's what I wanted."

His jaw dropped and he leaned on my bed, "Do you have any idea how much the car costs?" I shrugged, "No, don't care she won't get it. She'll get me whatever she wants anyway. Is it expensive? I just heard Mark at school talking about it."

"It's one of the most expensive cars in the world love."

I swallowed hard then laughed, "Well, hey it was worth a shot right? She'll probably look into it and pass out." I looked at him funny, "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Call me love?"

He seemed confused by the question but shrugged, "I don't know, it's a term of affection. If it bothers you I will stop." I smiled, "No, it's kind of nice actually. I just didn't know why you did it."

"Well if you like it I'll do it more often."

"Probably not a good idea." I replied softly. His head tilted, "Why?"

"People will assume we're together. Might hurt your reputation."

He frowned then, "I don't have a reputation and you wouldn't ruin anything. If they thought anything it would be how lucky I was. You have no idea the boys who are interested in you."

"Really?"

"You have a low opinion of yourself, I have no idea why. You really are quite striking." I turned red and then I looked down at my feet. How embarassing. He laughed softly, "You look beautiful when you blush Bella."

"Enough with the compliments already." I said not looking up.

"As you wish. I'll go check on your paperwork and we'll go home ok?"

"Ok."

He left and I closed my eyes. I know he was trying to make me feel better but his comments are too much, he is such a charmer and I really would perfer not to get hurt. He returned shortly with a smile and a wheelchair, "Get dressed. There are some clothes in the bag that Alice sent. I set it in the closet and when you are ready call me."

"I will."

I changed into the black tights and cute top Alice sent. She is extremely good with sizes. The shoes even fit perfect. I took the brush she sent and brushed my hair opening the package of ponytail holders and putting my hair up. I brushed my teeth and sat back on the bed calling Edward. He came in flanked by a nurse.

"You ready honey?" She asked sweetly. I nodded and she came to my side, "I'll remove this catheter from your arm and then your escort here insists on taking you out."

"He is kind of demanding isn't he." I teased. She smiled, "I think it's sweet."

He smirked at me. When she was finished I got in the wheelchair and Edward grabbed the bag slipping it onto his shoulder. "See you later Mabel."

"Ok Edward, take care of her."

"Will do." He responded as he pushed me out. It didn't take long until we were at his house. I had heard they had a beautiful house but this was beyond what I had imagined. I know he saw my look because he had a certain lopsided grin.

I followed him inside and glanced around getting familiar with my new home. It felt strange to be here. I knew nothing about their family really and here I was moving in. Esme walked out from a room and smiled, "Bella honey." She came forward and hugged me lightly. "How are you?"

"I'm ok. Everyone keeps asking me that."

"I know dear, they are worried about you." I noticed her eyes looked worried as well. "Thanks but really, I'll be ok. Thank you for allowing me to stay with you."

"You are most welcome Bella. Truly, I enjoy having a full house." She smiled and I had to smile back. It was so genuine. Edward grabbed my hand, "Come on and I'll show you to your room. I know Alice is waiting."

I let him pull me slowly upstairs and almost to the end of the hall. Passing a room I stopped, the entire wall was made of windows and I had never such a beautiful view. He smiled, "Go in and look." I released his hand and walked to the window looking out.

"You can see forever from here." I said finally. I felt him behind me, "Yes, it is quite lovely."

"Is this your parent's room?"

He laughed, "No, mine." I turned surprised, "It's nice." He headed to the door, "Wait 'til you see yours." I followed him to the room next door. It had hard wood flooring and the same wall made of windows though not quite so many. The view was still amazing. The walls were a tan color that blended really nicely with the modern bed they had chosen. There were multiple pillows and a light blue pattern on the comforter. It looked like something you see in a magazine that was some stars bedroom.

I smiled, "It's beautiful." I heard a squeal and turned to see Alice walking from another door inside the room. She hugged me tightly, "I am so glad you are here, come and look what I got you." Pulling me into what I found out was a huge walk in closet she showed me a ton of clothes and a medium sized wall of shoes. I don't know how they managed to find all of this in such a short time but they did.

She pointed to a skinny set of drawers that lined the wall. "That is your socks, sleep wear and female things. If you don't like anthing I can take it back."

I leaned on the wall, it was so overwhelming that they had done all of this for me. I was special enough for them to take time out just to make me happy.

"Bella?"

Edward walked in looking to Alice, "I think we've shown her enough, let's let her relax this is overwhelming."

She nodded and took my hand leading me out. "It's ok Bella, we can always look later you relax. Are you hungry?"

"No, just tired. It's been a long day."

"Ok well if you need anything just call. I'll leave you for a while."

"Alice thank you so much for all of this." I said realizing she must be tired herself from all of this decorating. She grinned, "It is nothing I love shopping and decorating. I should thank you for giving me a reason to." She kissed my cheek and was happily out the door. I noticed Edward was leaning on the wall with his arms crossed. I didn't comment as I walked across the room and shut the door.

I crawled into the inviting bed and before I could pull the sheets up he was doing it for me.

"I don't want to be alone." I said bravely. I had no idea what he would say, what he would think. He continued to adjust the covers then looked at me, "I know."

"Will you stay?"

He kissed my head softly. "I will, I'll be on the couch."

"Thanks." I said watching the way his lips moved when he spoke.

"You are welcome love, sleep. I'll be close."

He sat on the couch with a book that I am guessing was on the nearby table and began to read. I smiled watching him for only a moment before closing my eyes and giving in to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Previously…**_

"_**Will you stay?"**_

_**He kissed my head softly. "I will, I'll be on the couch."**_

"_**Thanks." I said watching the way his lips moved when he spoke.**_

"_**You are welcome love, sleep. I'll be close."**_

_**He sat on the couch with a book that I am guessing was on the nearby table and began to read. I smiled watching him for only a moment before closing my eyes and giving in to sleep.**_

"Edward?" I tossed and turned restlessly. He moved to lie beside me and gently touched my face, "Bella, its ok. I'm here."

"My father." I said as I began to cry. He knew I must be reliving it. I could tell he wished he could take away my pain. He gently pulled me close, "I know love, I know."

I was glad he was letting express my feelings, it was healthy so they say and maybe with time they will be able to help me build some resemblance of a normal life. I cried until I could cry no more and finally drifted to sleep.

I awoke early and froze when I felt something hard under me. I felt a steady hand slowly caressing my back. I could stay like this forever because whatever it is feels exceptionally nice but the thing is, I wonder who exactly is touching me. Cautiously I looked up, "Edward?"

"Yes."

I gasped sitting up, "Why are you? What happened?" He smiled, "You were upset. It's ok Bella. I didn't touch you or anything. I'm not your typical male, you'd be surprised."

"I didn't mean…" I glanced at the clock, "I have to get ready so I won't be late." I stood running to the closet. I did not look to see if he followed, I figured he would have a clue what I was doing and stay on the bed but no! I felt a presence and looked over my shoulder. He had followed me and stopped in shock when he realized I already had my shirt off, luckily I was turned.

"Edward!"

"Sorry, sorry!" He said quickly retreating to the bed. He waited until I walked out, my face still flushed.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize you could dress so fast, but why are you dressing?"

"School."

"Bella, in this situation it would be perfectly acceptable to stay home."

"I'm not a coward." I huffed. He is really being bossy this morning. He stood moving closer, "I know how strong you are Bella that is not in question however your mental health is. Wait a few days."

_My mental health? Ok now who is losing it?_ "I don't want to, really I feel fine. Don't you understand keeping me busy is the best thing right now?"

"As you wish, I'll change and meet you downstairs."

I brushed my teeth and hair. I felt like crap and finally gave up lifting her hair into a messy bun. I figured what the heck it's not as if I care what the stupid people at my school think anyway. I needed to be doing something, anything to keep my mind off of what had happened.

Finishing I slipped on a pair of shoes that Alice had gotten me, I am so glad she got me something other than the girly heels she and Rosalie always seem to cater to. She did know my style pretty well by now though. The tiger covered Ed Hardy's were too cute. I don't know who Ed Hardy is but I like him, especially after I found the purse that had a similar style to match. I finally decided to make an appearance and walked downstairs.

Alice turned hearing me, "Morning Bella, how are you feeling?" _How is it humanly possible for her to look this good every morning? Especially this early. _

"Tired but I can't sit here and just think all day. If I stay home that is what I will do." I sat down thanking Esme as she placed eggs and bacon in front of me. She is so sweet, I wish I had a mom like her. She actually has time to cook for me. Carlisle came in dressed for work, "Morning." He kissed Esme then Alice on the head and knelt to me, "How do you feel? How is your head?"

He smelt wonderful and it took me a minute to gather my thoughts. "I'm ok." I mentally slapped myself for thinking their dad smelt good. But, if we're being realistic most people I know would quickly call him a knockout. Their whole family is.

"Bella, I want you to listen to me." He began, "If it gets too much today, if you can't handle it call me or Esme. We will come and get you, understand?" _He looks so young, how can he be their father and look so young?_ _Some people just have good genes, I guess I missed out on those, Renee paid for hers._

"I don't want to be a bother." I said moving the eggs around with my fork.

"Bella, look at me." He said sternly. I glanced up and he smiled, "You are a part of this family now. We want you here, you are not a bother please understand that."

I felt the warm tears sliding down my cheeks before I could think. He smiled in understanding and pulled me in his arms for a hug. "We are always here for you. You can come to us for whatever you need and I know it's strange right now but hopefully you will come to think of us as your family."

I pulled back wiping my face, "Thank you." I don't think anyone has ever said anything so sweet to me. Why couldn't I be in this family?

"Your welcome." He stood, "I have to go." He kissed Esme again and walked out. I slid her plate away looking up to meet Esme's sad eyes.

"I'll eat lunch. I'm just not hungry now. I'm sorry." I felt bad for disappointing her. I knew they were all trying their best to make me comfortable. Esme took me plate, "Please make sure to eat, we want you to keep up your strength."

"I will. I promise." I slid from the chair to see Edward leaning on the doorframe looking perfect as usual, not a perfectly disarrayed hair out of place. He held out his hand, "Come on my little snow bunny time to hit the road."

"You know." I started following him, "It's not exactly snowing."

He laughed, "You are right. Perhaps I can think of another nick name for you." He opened the door of his car for me and smiled, "I know beautiful, how does that sound?"

I winced, "That sounds like I am going to get a million questions." _Not that I mind hearing him say it cause WOW!_

"Too bad, get in beautiful." Moving he allowed me in and shut the door. I watched his lithe body round the car and jump in starting to pull off. My eyes suddenly widened when I realized my coat was upstairs in the closet.

"Wait! My coat."

"No problem you can use mine, we'll be late." He replied turning on the radio. I didn't respond just turned looking out the window. Funny how it all seemed so unnecessary. You go to college and work to make a life that can be so easily taken away.

"The funeral is tomorrow." I said suddenly. I could tell by the flash of pain that crossed his face it took him off guard. He sighed, "Yes."

"Will you take me?" My voice masked my obvious pain.

"I would love to." Reaching over he took my hand, "If you'll hold me hand when we get there. I don't like funerals too much, they make me nervous." I nodded. I had no idea funerals didn't phase him. He just wanted me to feel that someone was there, someone cared and I was not alone.

Pulling into a parking spot he jumped out opening my door. I smiled sadly and stood shivering when I felt his cool jacket placed in my shoulders. I slid my arms inside pushing the long sleeves up then grabbed my bag.

"I'll carry it." He said taking it from me. I looked around nervous, not only did my father just die but now I was unexplainably living with the Cullen's, riding to school with Edward, not to mention wearing his jacket and he was carrying my books. I can hear the gossip now.

He slipped his arm around my shoulders instinctively. Surprisingly I didn't stiffen up, I simply turned to see his face. He leaned closer, "Don't mind anything people say love. I am always here for you. Me or one of my family will be waiting for you after each class." I shivered as his cool breath caressed my ear.

"You can't protect me forever." I said evenly. He only smiled, "Watch me." _He looks entirely too good being protective._ I have to say it made my heart swell at the thought someone wanted to protect me forever, even if I could only hope for love one day. I mean obviously he was only trying to be friendly as were the rest of the family but it was nice to have someone care all the same. I really liked this guy some girl would be very lucky one day.

Here I thought he was an arrogant prick and that's why he never dated. Who would have guessed he was a nice guy deep down and actually very intelligent. I was impressed. I felt all eyes continue to watch me but I ignore them. Stupid people.

He stopped at the door to my class. "I'll be back after class love." I cringed when I saw Mike walk past with two of his friends obviously they had heard what he said. They eyed him suspiciously. He lifted my chin, "Hey remember what I said."

"I will."

"If you need me…"

"I know, but I'll have to get another phone. Mine was…" I looked down saddened. He pulled me close. I felt his face against my neck. "Bella you are killing me here, please let me take you home."

I pulled away, "I'll be fine." I knew he was taking in my watery eyes but he nodded anyway and walked off to his class. I saw Jennifer and she immediately came over hugging me, "Oh Bella, I have called you so many times. I was so worried."

"I'm sorry, my phone was ruined and I didn't get a new one yet."

"Are you ok? I am coming tomorrow can I do anything? Do you need anything? You can always come stay with me. My mom and dad are worried too."

"Thanks but I am staying with the Cullen's. I am fine, there is really nothing you can do just be my friend."

She didn't ask why I was staying at the Cullen's she simply nodded. I figured she didn't want to grill me too much right now. She saw me with Edward I was sure but she didn't question that either.

"I'll always be your friend, just like I always have been." I smiled. Jen always was a sweetheart and a good friend.

I tried to focus in class but it wasn't working. I heard soft whispers around me but Jen was quick to cut them off and defend me. It was when I heard Lauren that I broke. I heard her whisper to a friend that I probably got rid of my father myself to get the Cullen's sympathy.

I felt the tears and grabbed my books tossing them recklessly in my bag and began to run out of class. The teacher was walking towards me worried when the door slammed open. I was quickly in Edward's arms. His left arm snuck around my waist and his right hand rested on my head holding it against his chest. I heard him tell my teacher he was taking me home and away from the disgusting people that were so uncaring and rude.

I could feel him trembling and I knew he was angry. His tone said it all. He grabbed my bag slipping it on his shoulder and lifting me in his strong arms. I didn't care at this moment what he did, what anyone did I just wanted to die.

I felt him sit down with me in his lap and the car start. I glanced up to see Alice peering over the seat worried and Jasper driving. I buried my face in his chest again. He said nothing, simply caressed my back lightly. It felt so good to be held in such a caring way. I have no idea how he knew what happened to me but right now I don't care just as long as he is here.

I assumed we were home when he carried me inside. I heard Esme gasp and quickly come over to check on me.

"You want to put her on the couch?" She asked worried. "I can call Carlisle."

"It's ok mom, I'll take her up to my room. Dad can check on her when he's home. If I need him before them I'll let you know."

"Ok." She replied weakly.

I was being laid on a soft bed but I refused to let him go. He tried to pull at my arms but I didn't respond. I wanted him here holding me and to never let me go.

"Bella, you must let me go, I won't leave you I just have to pull the covers up."

"You can't go, please." I begged. He caressed my cheek. "I promise, I'll be beside you just let me get the covers." True to his word he grabbed the covers and was in front of me again. I slid my arm around his waist as my head again found his hard chest. He was cold, he always was. _I wonder if he's anemic of something? He is always pale, hmmm._

The fingers trailing my spine brought me out of my thoughts. I don't think he was thinking about what he was doing. I glanced up and his eyes were shut. He looked so peaceful. I took the moment to appraise him. His pale creamy skin, his dark tussled hair that always looked so sexy, his perfectly curved pink lips that beckoned to be kissed, the dark long lashes that I now realized were blinking occasionally as he looked back at me through radiant gold eyes. God, his eyes… It was then I felt his finger trace the planes of my lips.

I guess I wasn't the only one admiring the view. I fought a rush of desire but I could not pull away from his mesmerizing eyes. I moved my leg and too late realized it was now laying over his. His hand pressed my lower back pulling me closer. It wasn't far, we weren't that far apart to begin with.

My treacherous heart skipped at beat as I stared at him. My skin was prickling with unbridled heat. How could a man be any more beautiful than he was? I felt every hard muscle in his body, even a certain one I am sure he wished me not to feel yet he didn't pull away.

I decided to be bold, I wanted to feel alive and I didn't care how I accomplished that. I moved up and watched his surprised eyes as I kissed him quickly, I didn't pull away waiting to see his reaction. It was almost immediate. His right hand moved to rest on my jaw and his thumb caressing back and forth. I sighed turning my head to take him in deeper.

I felt his tongue pushing against my lips so I opened them allowing him entrance. Breathe I told myself, breathe as the oxygen quickly left my lungs and came in quick spurts. I felt his left hand grasp the back of my shirt tightly and decided maybe I could take this further.

My body was such a betrayer of my need, it wasn't like he didn't get the general idea I am sure. He moaned his tongue doing things with mine I never thought possible. I was vulnerable and I wanted him and unfortunately he knew it. I ran a shaky hand under his shirt and traced the waistband of his jeans. I felt him freeze and suddenly he pushed me back to see my face.

"S..Stop." I couldn't believe he was stuttering. "Bella, I'm sorry. That was inappropriate of me. You are in no condition…and I…" He pulled away sitting on the edge of the bed and running his long fingers through his hair.

"You aren't in any condition." He repeated nervously, "To make lifelong decisions here. I lost my head, I'm sorry."

"No, I wanted to. I mean I wanted to feel alive, to just feel something. It wasn't your fault. I started it."

"Hardly." He argued.

"I really didn't think you would kiss me back, I thought…" I trailed off looking down. His cool hand stroked my hair, "You thought what love?" _I don't know why he keeps calling me that but I really like it._

"I mean it's not like I am your type or anything." I said cautiously. He raised an eyebrow, "Really? And just what is my type?"

"I don't know. Gorgeous, stunning, great body. What else can I say?"

I heard him laughing then looked up to see him lean close, "Guess what Bella, you are all of the above. I guess that would make you my type huh?"

My face heated and I turned red. He stood, "Let's get you something to eat."

"I'm not really…" he cut me off, "Nevertheless you will eat something." I sighed dragging myself out of bed. I didn't want to move but I knew he wanted things to cool off. He took my hand and we walked slowly downstairs. Jasper looked up from his book. "Everything ok?

He wasn't looking at me but at Edward for some odd reason. Edward nodded and continued to pull me into the kitchen. Esme smiled setting a plate in front of me. "I hoped you would eat something."

"Edward insisted."

"Good." She winked at him and sat down beside Rosalie as they continued their conversation making sure to include me. Edward leaned down, "I am going to do a few things. You relax and we'll talk later."

"Ok." I looked into his warm eyes and melted. When he looked at me like that it was like the world around us disappeared. I found myself unconsciously leaning towards him. He stopped me with a finger to my lips and the most sensuous look I have ever seen. He then stood and disappeared.

I turned back to my food and fortunately his family didn't seem to notice the exchange. I had no knowledge at that time that they were anything but human or that they always saw everything. I had a lot to learn about the Cullen's.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Previously…**_

_**Edward leaned down, "I am going to do a few things. You relax and we'll talk later."**_

"_**Ok." I looked into his warm eyes and melted. When he looked at me like that it was like the world around us disappeared. I found myself unconsciously leaning towards him. He stopped me with a finger to my lips and the most sensuous look I have ever seen. He then stood and disappeared.**_

_**I turned back to my food and fortunately his family didn't seem to notice the exchange. I had no knowledge at that time that they were anything but human or that they always saw everything. I had a lot to learn about the Cullen's.**_

I spent the afternoon visiting and getting to know my new family. It was amazing how smart and knowledgeable the all were. I didn't see Edward for a while. He and Emmett went out for something, although I am not quite sure what. I found myself getting closer to Rosalie and Alice. They spoke to me like I had been a part of the family forever.

I decided I needed some alone time and went to Edward's room. I hadn't really thought about why I was here, but I was. It felt warm and welcoming like home. The sun was fading and I could barely make out the town lights from his large window. I found myself looking over his room, even lingering in his closet. I hoped he didn't mind that I borrowed one of his button-up shirts, because it smelled like him and slipped it over my head.

It calmed me as weird as that sounds. He smells good, what can I say?

I sighed walking out of the closet and inhaling deeply. Feeling like I was being watched I turned to see him smirking, he was leaning on the wall beside the window looking like a beautiful piece of artwork. You know the paintings that are so beautiful they make you cry? Yeah that's Edward.

"You should be glad I heard you, otherwise we would have a repeat of this morning." He teased. I knew what he meant. I had been facing the door and he would have surely gotten an eyeful. I felt my cheeks get warmer at the thought.

His crossed arms fell as he approached me, reaching to grip the collar of my…well his shirt that I was wearing. He rolled it down a little brushing my long hair back.

"I think you wear it better than me." He breathed, and I felt his cool breath envelope me. I swayed slightly closing my eyes, as sensations I cannot even begin to name soared through my blood stream. I felt his hands slide to my hips and opened my eyes returning to the land of the living.

He was so close to me. So many thoughts were racing, and finally I broke the silence. "Your eyes, they are lighter." And still oh so stunning.

He looked surprised for a moment and then passive. "Really? I hadn't noticed." I noticed he had not pulled away, and I wasn't going to ask. His hands remained on my hips and even though they were cool, I could feel the heat from them burning into my skin.

"I did, you have beautiful eyes they seem to change with your mood." His lips curled into a lopsided grin. Can I tell you again how beautiful he is? Every feature is so well defined and perfect.

"Yours change too." He replied back reaching up to run his thumb under my right eye. "They get darker when I do this." He ran his hand down my arm and I trembled. He shot me a small smile and pulled me impossibly closer, moving his hand to my back and running a finger down my spine. "Or this."

"I can't imagine why." I mumbled feeling my breathing get heavier. I wondered how it was we could be in the same room overnight. I mean didn't his family get suspicious about that sort of thing? I know Charlie would have never let that happen. Perhaps they trust us. That's good because I certainly don't trust myself.

I bit my lip moving a hesitant hand to rest on his perfect abs, the other I moved to his waist. It didn't seem to bother him in the least. I don't know if he noticed considering the intense way he was staring into my eyes.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me suddenly. I rested my head on his chest, "I don't know. There are so many things right now. I can't really decide on one in particular." I felt him stroking my hair. I like him doing this I think, it's relaxing. I heard the door and figured he would jump back, but he never let me go. He is so sweet. In fact I felt him pull me closer.

"Edward? We are playing some board games, would you two like to play?" I recognized Alice's voice. I don't know what he did, I assume shake his head because I head the door shut and his face buried in my neck as he gently rocked me.

"No board games?" I asked slipping my left arm around his neck. I couldn't feel it as first, it was so soft and then it hit me. I felt soft whispers of cool lips gliding across the delicate skin of my neck. I guess this means no. I stopped breathing, this couldn't be real. I felt his breath cascading against my ear.

"Breathe Bella."

I inhaled softly following his command as his lips started the same familiar path. This can't be real, an angel in my mist wanting to be with me Bella Swan? My thought process was interrupted by his deep moan. I heard him take a deep breath, "You smell so good beautiful."

He was stiff suddenly and stepped back never meeting my gaze.

"I am afraid again I must apologize for my rude behavior. It would seem when I am with you my control lapses." Who cares I say. Let it lapse.

He ran his fingers back and forth through his always perfect hair and sat on his bed. "Would you like to play games with them?"

"No, I'd rather be with you." Smooth Bella.

"I mean…I didn't mean it like that."

"Too bad I was hoping you meant it just…like…that." Did he really just say that to me? In that seductive purr he has. He grinned, "What would you like to do?"

"That's a loaded question." I said back as he leaned back on his elbows.

"Oh, it could be I assure you." He replied with a wink. I swear if my heart beat any louder the neighbors could hear it. It's not fair that he can radiate so much sexuality, and just be sitting there looking so innocent and naughty all at the same time.

"Come here Bella." He didn't bother to move, simply watched me. I moved closer and stood close to his knees. He looked me over slowly. Can I spontaneously combust now? I know I am blushing, or flushed, or something, because it is hot in here.

"Sit with me." Oh god he's purring again.

"Where?" I asked like feeling like a complete idiot after I said it. He chuckled, "Anywhere you want to." I think I surprised him, because I know I surprised myself when I straddled his lap like I knew what I was doing. I need to keep in mind I am clueless when it comes to boys. I don't know why this is happening, it's way too fast. I'm not thinking rationally right now and I should just back off, but I can't.

He didn't move from his elbows, a slow smile covered his lips. I had no idea what he was thinking as his eyes bored into mine. I moved to position myself above his waist and smiled at him. Please don't tell me I am trying to be sexy, ok tell me but I won't admit it.

"Tell me beautiful, have you ever been with a man?" Ok now I'm nervous, I certainly didn't expect that line of questioning. I think my brain melted, and my mouth flew open own its own accord before I could stop it.

"I want to be." Ok, I have thoroughly embarrassed myself and need to toss myself out of the window now!

He sat up grabbing my back, so I didn't fall when his weight shifted. His eyes roamed my face before he spoke, "Do you now, with any man or a certain man?" He was close again, I could hear him breathing. I focused on his neck. Could I possibly say what I was thinking?

"A certain man." I responded still not looking up. He lifted my chin to look into my eyes.

"Don't be afraid of me Bella, what we say to each other is between us. It's nice to know what you are thinking, and no one else will know."

"You're still male."

"And? So since I'm male I what? I'll run and tell my buddies? In case you haven't caught on yet I am not very fond of the jerks in school."

"I know."

"You are pure and unjaded. It's one of the things I find so fascinating about you. You run on instinct and basic need. It's primal and beyond sexy. You have no idea the effect you have on men. That makes you even more beautiful. I feel what you want, what you need. I see it in your eyes even if you won't say it."

I hesitated. He smiled that beautiful, I want to toss you into the bed smile at me. "I love your innocence. It's so rare in this day and age." He talks like he's eighty or something.

I grew bold after all he said he wanted it right? Who knew if he was talking a good game or not, but for some reason I believed him. "I want you." I blurted out. I was not embarrassed this time, merely curious to how he would respond.

He closed his eyes a moment groaning then opened them again to meet mine. I noticed they were several shades darker, I also noticed his breathing was now labored. He reached up to stroke my cheek. "I want you too, I've never wanted anyone, but I want you. It's almost uncontrollable."

I gasped when his lips were on my neck again, this time much harder. He had me pressed against him in every possible place we could touch. Surprisingly I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried he would tell. I could only think of one thing, I wanted him more than I have ever wanted anything in my short, young life.

My skin burned, my stomach knotted and I somehow got on my knees and pushed him back. He didn't release his hold and soon I found myself on my back trying to get enough oxygen to breathe. His hands gripped my arms tightly. I was surprised he wasn't touching me, but he didn't.

He was stiff but I couldn't tell why, I couldn't see his face. It was then I felt teeth grazing my neck and stopping. I knew he was going to bite me, I could feel the pressure increasing. He stopped again, unmoving and tense.

"It's ok." I said softly reaching up to caress his hair, "If you want to you can." I didn't realize what I was saying, how could I know what he truly was? I just thought he wanted to bite me a little not drink my body dry. I thought he hesitated because he was unsure of my reaction, not because he was fighting internally with himself not to kill me.

He released his hold and was across the room before I could blink. The darkness in the room made his movement almost appear like a special effect. I couldn't see his face in the shadows, but I could see he was sitting in the corner against the wall like a scorned child. I slid off of the bed, "I'm sorry are you ok?" I didn't know what I did, but it seemed like the right thing to say.

He didn't respond, and I moved closer kneeling at his side. I could see him freeze in an instant. I sighed leaning on the wall beside him. I thought maybe it was possible that he was new at this too. Could someone so good looking really be innocent? I mean he is a guy and girls are always throwing themselves shamelessly at him, I should know I watch and laugh.

His well composed performance earlier was certainly nothing like this. Where was the self assured man from a few moments ago, that I was sure was going to make love to me? The door opened after a short knock and from the outside light I could see his face, he looked paler than normal, and his eyes looked scared. Like a caged animal.

Jasper walked in rather quickly with Alice at his side. He knelt in front of Edward resting his hand on his knee. I have no idea why, how did they even know he was upset? Alice smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, she was nervous for some reason.

"Bella, why don't you come with me for a while, we'll let the boys talk." I wanted to stay, he looked so lost. Alice grabbed my arm, "He'll be fine come with me." I was worried, had I done something I didn't know about? I pulled away and headed to my room. Maybe he just got into it and realized it wasn't me he wanted. Who knows, but I didn't feel like a pity party from his family. I had a big day tomorrow and I just wanted to forget for a while.

Alice tried to follow me, but I closed the door. I tossed his shirt aside and took a shower trying to scrub away the remnants of our moment. I didn't cry. I refused, it wasn't worth it.

I crawled into my bed and curled up trying to sleep, but it wouldn't come. I needed him. I needed his arms around me as much as I hated to admit it. He was so much comfort to me right now.

I never heard the door, but I felt the bed move, and I knew it was him. He brushed the hair back from my shoulder and moved close to me. Hesitantly he slipped his arms around my waist. I sighed, I missed him. I am so pathetic. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. I just wanted him near, and he seemed to understand that need.

I finally closed my eyes and allowed myself to sleep. I awoke to the sun drifting across the room. It was a little disorienting, until I felt his hand gently run down my arm. He must have known I was awake.

"Bella?" He whispered, his voice was so velvety. I can't stand how disgustingly attracted I am to this man. You would think I would figure it out by now…Bella equals fool. I didn't have much experience with boys, but this one was way out of my league.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, I didn't want to turn and see his face. I felt him rub the side of his face against mine.

"Please Bella, look at me."

I let out a deep breath and turned, did I mention he still looks perfect in the morning? It is so unfair. I am sure I look like death warmed over. He ran his hands across my face, "I'm sorry you didn't sleep well." Ok, I get what he is saying, translation I look like shit.

I didn't respond and he kissed my head. "Sweet Bella, I am sorry about last night. It was not anything you did. I wanted to make love to you."

"Why didn't you?"

His face looked distraught. "Bella…there are things, things in my life that affect what I can do and can't do. It was too much for me, these feeling I have for you. When you said… Bella, I almost lost it."

He looked so upset and tortured. "Bella, I could never forgive myself if something happened to you, if I hurt you."

"I wasn't asking you to hurt me." Geesh, does he take that little nip so seriously. He shook his beautiful head.

"You don't have to ask me, it is what I am. I am fighting my very nature to be close to you."

Ok so I have no idea what he is talking about and I am seriously wondering if he needs a psychological evaluation, because I believe he's a little delusional. I decided probably best to leave this issue alone for now. I sighed getting out of bed and stretching.

"Bella?"

"Yes." I asked as I walked to the bathroom. He blocked my way. How does he do that so fast?

"I do want you." I looked up to meet his eyes. He was serious, there was no deception hidden. "I want you so bad it hurts. I don't know how we can make this work. I'm not the best person for you. You could do so much better."

Me do better than the god of gorgeousness standing in front of me? I'll call the psyc department and make him an appointment somewhere.

"Why can't we try?" I asked curious. He let his arm down and leaned on the door frame. "I am trying. You just have to be patient. If I pull away it is not because I don't want you. If you ever doubt that ask me when we are otherwise entertained, and I'll show you just how much."

I gulped, did he mean what I think he meant? He smirked, "Not that you probably didn't feel it last night." My mouth fell open in shock, he did mean that. He did have a point though. I did know exactly how bad he wanted me last night. He tried not to push into me too much, but come on be realistic as soon as he was on top of me all his restraint was null and void.

"I want us to be ok beautiful, we'll work on the rest a little at a time. It really is too soon anyway, we need to pull back a little. It doesn't hurt to take it slow, and there are some things you should know first."

"We are ok. I'm a little confused." I said brushing a hand through his silky hair, I couldn't resist. Do you think he would get offended if I purr like a tiger right now?

He pulled me close kissing my cheek and then my lower jaw. "In time love, we'll discuss everything, but right now it not the time. You are not ready."

"So says the vampire." I teased. He jerked back, "What did you say?"

"I was teasing, you know you tried to bite me and…" He didn't look amused. "It's just that vampires bite and you…I mean I know you aren't a vampire. I was teasing you. Why are you looking at me like that?"

He cleared his throat, "I'll meet you down stairs. If you want I can get Alice to help you get ready.

"I'll be ok." He started to leave and I called his name.

He turned, "Yes?"

"I really do want this to work out, I mean you and I. I've never…" Ok here goes my stupid can't think right moment. Why does he have to have those dazzling eyes? "I don't…." I threw up my hands, "I can never say what I want to it all comes out sounding like I am an idiot."

"You are not an idiot, just make it simple."

"Simple?" I asked as he moved closer. He smiled lifting my legs around his waist and pushing me into the wall. Ok, this is_ so_ not simple.

"Say what you want." He said looking me dead on.

"I want you."

"How do you want me?" He questioned as his nose skimmed my jaw. It was almost as if he was inhaling my scent.

"How?" I asked looking at him oddly. He laughed, "I don't mean that way Bella. In what way? What capacity?"

"I would like to get to know you better."

"And."

"I want to date." I said feeling my breath hitch when he nuzzled my ear.

"What else?"

"I want you to be my first." At that he stopped leaning back to see my face.

"I want that too, all of it. I want it." He smiled kissing my head and setting me down, "I'll be downstairs."

"I'll be there soon."

"I'll be waiting." He winked and walked out closing the door. Do females need cold showers? I am guessing yes because I am headed to one. I am glad this happened, at least my thoughts were not on the inevitable. I am now all too aware of what day it is, the day I lay my father to rest. I climbed into the shower letting the cool water run down my face, and cried my heart out.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Previously…**_

"_**I want that too, all of it. I want it." He smiled kissing my head and setting me down, "I'll be downstairs."**_

"_**I'll be there soon."**_

"_**I'll be waiting." He winked and walked out closing the door. Do females need cold showers? I am guessing yes because I am headed to one. I am glad this happened at least my thoughts were not on the inevitable. I am now all too aware of what day it is, the day I lay my father to rest. I climbed into the shower letting the cool water run down my face, and cried my heart out. **_

I dressed in a simple black dress. I did my own hair and light make-up. It was me and I wanted to be me today. I stepped out of my new room taking a deep breath and heading downstairs. Alice was immediately at my side, "You look beautiful Bella."

"Thanks."

I was surprised to see my mother, but she seemed calm, no one was with her and I didn't know what to say. She smiled sadly taking my hands in hers.

"I wanted to leave all the information I promised. I won't stay." She gestured to Carlisle. "I spoke with Dr. Cullen, he has all the information for you when you are ready."

"Thank you." I didn't know what else she expected me to say. This was awkward enough. She kissed my head in an odd way, obviously unsure how I would react. I stiffened but I didn't pull away. I could handle this she was my mother, and somewhere deep down despite all of the mistakes I did love her.

She sighed, "I better go. I left something for you, but today is not the day to give it to you." I nodded. She said her goodbyes to the Cullen's and left. I was shocked to say the least, but I tried to pass it off. Feeling a hand on my back I leaned in automatically. I knew it was him.

"We should head out love, are you ready?"

"No, but I have no choice right?" I answered as my eyes watered. I felt him move closer as he led me out the door to the car. The entire family was there to support me, not to mention my friends and Charlie's. Jen hugged me as soon as she saw me, "How are you?"

"I'm holding it together." I answered nervous. I hated these things. It was fortunate that Edward stayed by my side the entire time. I had yet to see the casket, it was of course closed. I wasn't sure how I would take it either, but with my friends I could handle anything right?

The older gentleman smiled sadly, "Miss. Swan, if you would like to view the casket alone first." I nodded following him. I didn't feel Edward but I knew he was close. I ran my hand down the cold, smooth gray casket that now held the body of my beloved father. My mind tossed around many memories of his face, his laugh.

I felt the warm tears as I remembered how nervous he was when I came to live here, how sweet he tried to be. He was always that way. He didn't know how to react to a girl so he just let me do my thing. It was one of the things I liked though, because he gave me room to be me.

I thought of the last time I saw him, then reality hit. He would never see me get married or walk me down the isle. He would never see his first grandchild. I suddenly realized I would be utterly alone. I began to shake, my breathing hitched and I fought to regain control of it. It was if all of the life was being sucked out of me and I didn't care, that was when it all began to go black and I felt the cool hands envelope me.

I awoke on a flat bench, my head resting in Edwards lap. He was gently stroking my hair. Carlisle knelt seeing my eyes open, "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know, what happened?"

He helped me sit up looking me over. I knew he was in doctor mode. "You passed out, it's a normal reaction to stress I just want to make sure you are ok. Lightheaded?"

"Not anymore." I answered honestly glancing to see Edward who had stood, and was across the room speaking in hushed tones with his family. Carlisle smiled kindly, "I think you'll be fine. I have some medication to help you relax if you would like."

"No, I'll be ok." The man appeared again saying when I was ready they would start. I gasped as my heart rate increased again. Carlisle frowned, and before I knew what end was up Edward was handing me a glass of water.

"What's this for?"

Carlisle handed me a small pill. "Take this sweetheart, it will take the edge off." I nodded deciding right now I need all of the help I can get. My life was broken now and I had to figure out a way to repair the damage. Taking it I handed the glass back to Edward and stood. I hadn't noticed how handsome he looked in his black suit. It made him look almost immortal, but I liked the look on him. Immortality never looked so good.

He smiled sadly kissing my hand, "You ready?" I nodded stepping into his arms, "Can't you just take me away from this?"

"I can, but I think you would regret it love." He answered sliding his arms around my waist. I took a deep breath meeting his eyes, "If I forget later, thanks for doing this."

"Anytime angel, anytime."

He released me leading me into the room full of people and the casket I dreaded seeing again. I don't remember much after that, I was crying too hard to concentrate on anything. My father had left me, and it was hard to comprehend. He was supposed to live until I was old right? He was suppose to see his grandkids grow up and see me mature and living a happy life. That was how it was supposed to be, but not how it was.

I vaguely remember Edward laying me on his bed and removing my shoes. I was glad he didn't put me in my room, I didn't want to be alone and the smell of him surrounding me was comforting. I fell asleep, I don't know how long before I awoke in his arms. I wouldn't have gotten up but the need to empty my bladder was now pressing.

I felt his hands move when I slipped out of the bed and into the bathroom. I don't know if he ever used it because it was so clean. Finishing what I needed to I found myself in his closet again. I thought he was sleeping, because his eyes were closed when I passed. Little did I know he never slept.

I removed my dress and looked through his shirts. I realized something, my father's closet used to look much the same. He wasn't quite as neat as Edward, but he did have his t-shirts hanging on one side and then his dress shirts on the other. Not that my dad got dressed up a lot. He kind of mixed them in with his uniforms.

Gripping a t-shirt in my hands I began to cry again, my fragile body falling into a ball on the floor. I didn't hear him come in, and jumped when he touched my hand taking the shirt from me. He didn't seem to even notice I was sitting her in a bra and panties. He simply lifted my arms and slid them easily into the shirt.

I was grateful, not many men would have not at least peeked. He wasn't even looking interested in that, he only looked concerned. I saw that at some point he had changed into a black T-shirt and jeans himself. He lifted me like I weighed as much as a baby and carried me gently to his bed.

I let him cover me and sit beside me silently. I knew he wanted to wait until I was ready to talk and not push me. I reached out stroking his cheek, I did notice he leaned in and inhaled sharply. I guess he liked my perfume. He sighed taking my hand in his and moving it to his lap.

"Are you hungry?"

"No I want to get out of here, out of the bed, out of this house, just away."

He nodded, "Let me get you some jeans and we can head out, I have somewhere we can go." I watched him walk out, my heart still ached but he made the pain so much easier to bear. He was simply too beautiful for words and I don't mean his looks, although they are captivating as well. I mean his attitude during this whole thing, the way he looks at me, and the way he has supported me.

He returned with a pair of pants, socks, and shoes. I didn't move when he removed the covers looking at my pantyhose clad legs with a silent question. I met his eyes when he glanced up and nodded. He shot me a crooked smile and slid his hands to my waist gripping the band of the hose gently.

He pulled them down tossing them aside and slipped on my socks followed by my jeans, which I knew I would have to stand for. I stood finishing the job he started and zipped them. He eased me back and slipped some pink and white checked vans on my feet.

I needed a ponytail holder and he was gone in a flash returning with one and a brush. He smiled sitting behind me and sliding the brush through my long locks. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to have someone brushing you hair. He followed the brush with his fingers and I couldn't help the little moan that escaped my lips.

I leaned into his chest and he set the brush down locking his hands around my waist. I sighed closing my eyes, why couldn't it be like this forever? He was different and I knew it. I always knew something was different about this family, but he had yet to tell me and I wouldn't press.

His lips touched the delicate skin under my ear. "Sit up love, we should head out." I followed his directions putting my hair up and following him out. He opened the door to his car and before long we were pulling off the road beside a small wooded area. It looked as if someone had been here many times before.

He got out opening my door. I looked around curious, "Where are we going?" He smirked, "Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?" I nodded unsure. I had no idea why he was asking. He lifted me into his arms, "Close your eyes love." I followed his instructions and felt him moving, the movements were so fluid it felt like we weren't moving at all, except for the fact I could feel my hair blowing.

I was suddenly set on my feet. I looked around at the beautiful meadow, flowers or purple and blue were scattered throughout the green grass. He smiled pulling me, "This is where I sometimes go to escape."

I looked at him oddly, "How did we get here so fast?"

"Was it fast? It seemed like a while to me." He said with a smirk. "I just ran, no big deal. Fortunate for me you don't weigh much."

"But, you aren't even out of breath." I said appraising his features. He shrugged, "I work out a lot. What can I say?"

"Well the truth for one." I replied watching his smirk fade into a frown. He sighed, "You know this is not the time or place to discuss this. When you are feeling better we'll talk."

"So you want me to just accept what is?"

"For now. I just want you to relax and enjoy this beautiful place." I knew there was so much he was hiding behind those caramel eyes. I decided he would tell me when he was ready, and I could at least enjoy this day. He sat down on the grass patting beside him.

I smiled sitting beside him and laying back. "This is beautiful look at the sky." I heard him whisper something then I closed my eyes, the warmth of the now sunny day enveloping me. It was cloudy earlier and it was nice to feel a little sun. I reached over taking his hand in mine, never opening my eyes,

He turned to face me, "Bella, I don't want to scare you." I opened my eyes immediately, what did that mean? I looked at him and gasped seeing the sparkle of his skin. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I should have been scared. I think he was waiting for it, waiting for me to jump and run. I didn't, instead I reached out touching his face and tracing a line to his neck.

"So beautiful." I whispered mesmerized. He closed his eyes to my touch, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling. I snuggled closer, he actually felt warmer than usual. It was probably the sun lingering on his pale skin. I rested my small hand on his chest, "I don't care what you are. It doesn't change how I feel."

"And how is that?" He asked lifting my chin. My brown eyes trailed over his face, he sparkled brighter than any diamond I had ever seen. He was truly beautiful. I smiled touching his lips with mine softly. It was then I really paid attention to his lips. They were smooth as glass, and harder than most people's lips. I didn't care to me he was perfect.

His hands pulled me closer, one resting on the flare of my hip and gripping tightly. I might have a bruise from this one. Was his passion because I accepted him for what he was? At least what I knew about what he was. I knew he wasn't human though what he was remained a mystery, it did explain his alabaster skin and why it felt as smooth as marble.

His lips fell to my neck and any thoughts I was previously thinking were now gone. I could only think of him and this moment. I gripped his hair and pulled him tighter to me only to have him push back against my fingers.

"No, no, no…" he repeated shaking his head. I was puzzled by his reaction, the way his beautiful face looked tortured. If that was what happened when I touched his hair, then I'll remember to leave it alone. Just please don't stop the kissing. His eyes were still closed and I marveled at the way his lids were almost translucent. I leaned over kissing each one softly.

He moaned opening his eyes, they were noticeably darker but he seemed calm. He smiled, "You are so unexpected. I never thought this would happen. I've waited so long for you, for this."

"What do you mean?" I asked with wonder. He stroked my cheek. "For you, for these feelings. Forgive me if I am not what you expect, I've never quite had the opportunity to be so close to a human. I never wanted to and I'm not so sure if I am reacting correctly."

"You're perfect, your reactions are fine." I didn't mention the human reference even though it bothered me. I was dying to know the truth. His glittery face made me wonder what he could possibly be. I had never really thought about it and I had been too upset lately to care.

I decided to test a theory. I mean if I am with him I do need to know a few things right? Besides, it keeps me from thinking about my beloved father and the terrible day I just had. I pushed him over and straddled him again. His eyes widened for a moment then he simply watched me, I noticed his body never really relaxed.

"Does this bother you?" I asked with wonder. He nodded no then spoke, "Not at the moment, I don't like losing control so I'm not quite sure how long I will allow it."

"Allow it?"

"I mean in the right situation this," He gestured to me, "Is fine." I lifted myself and pulled at his shirt. He frowned, "That might be a problem."

"I want to see you sparkle, please. You are so beautiful."

He sighed sitting up enough to remove his shirt. I gasped, it was almost blinding, I have never seen anyone who looked so much like a broken angel that fell to earth. His soul was so tortured and I had no idea why. I think I could fall in love with him.

I found my fingertips trailing over his marble like skin, so silky smooth. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. I noticed his fingers gripped into the grass almost violently. It was as if he was fighting with his inner being about something.

"Are you afraid of me?" I asked placing my fingers over his hands. He immediately stopped his movement and opened his eyes. They were almost black. I didn't quite know what to think. He attempted a smile, "I am more concerned about what I could do to you."

"You could hurt me?" I asked wondering about his sad expression. He flipped his hands so they were now holding mine and pulled them above his head causing me to be so close his breath was making me lightheaded.

"I would never mean to. I have to always be on my guard with you, this relationship is not natural for our kind."

"What is your kind?" I asked as my heart beat so hard I was sure he could feel it against his smooth chest. He tilted his head with the most beautiful smiled I have ever seen. Did I mention lately how insanely beautiful he is? He didn't answer me instead choosing to capture my lips with his.

It was sweet and tender., I wanted so much more but he refused to release my hands. I figured it was a temptation thing or a control issue. I don't know which, but it was evident he didn't want me pushing further than what he was willing to offer.

I felt my body respond to him immediately just the touch of his lips sent my mind into orbit. I've never felt anything so intense. I attempted again to pull my hands and this time he released them turning me over so he was on top. My hands immediately went into his hair.

He pulled back with a sensuously evil smile. He looks so good being bad. I think my heart just stopped.

"Temptation can be deadly beautiful."

I sighed, Ok so maybe it can, but please take me now because it can't feel any worse than the knot in my stomach. He seemed to understand and sat up. "I should get dressed." He slipped his shirt on and smiled, "Easier if I don't tempt us anymore, less clothes mean more temptation."

He was so right. What I wouldn't give to see him naked. What on earth was I thinking? I never thought like this, no man has ever made me want to. My thoughts then suddenly went back to my father. He bent his knee and circled his arms around it. "The pain will get less with time love, it never fully goes away but it will get less."

I don't know how he knew what I was thinking. I shouldn't be surprised though, he had an uncanny knack for figuring these things out. I nodded silently and looked around, it was so beautiful here. I wanted a house right in the middle. How fantastic would that be?

"What are you thinking?" He asked watching me intently. I turned to see his face, "Just about how beautiful it is here."

"It is. I love coming here."

"Can I ask you a few things?" I asked moving closer to him. He eyed my body warily as it moved, but made no move to stop me. I was not touching him even as close as we were.

"You can run fast? That is how we got here so soon."

"Yes." He answered simply.

"You glitter, you're almost brighter than the sun." It was obvious as he sat here in front of me, but I mentioned it anyway.

"Yes."

"You're always so cold and I have never seen you eat." He seemed to flinch at that one.

"True."

"That leads me to ask, what do you eat?" He met my eyes then looked off, "I'm a vegetarian."

"I take it that doesn't mean as in vegetables." I attempted to clarify. He looked back at me then, "No it does not. My family is special, we aren't like most."

"Meaning?"

He took my wrist and sniffed it deeply then turned to see my eyes. I noticed how much his eyes changed in that little action. He pulled me so my arm was then across him forcing my face to be close.

"What do you think I mean?" He tilted his head to my neck and ran his tongue over it, "What do you think it takes to sustain me? Why would I be a threat to you?" I shivered involuntarily. His lips touched my ear, "Do you feel the fear that grows inside you just by me being so close? The threat of danger?"

"I feel so many things."

"Do I scare you?" He asked softly. I met his eyes and leaned closer, "No." His eyes fell to my lips and soon he was against me. His hands tangled in my hair holding me tightly. I gripped his shoulders allowing him to lead. Not that I am a frequent kisser or anything but one word. _Wow!_

I think my saying I wasn't afraid of him flipped a switch, because he was suddenly pulling me onto him. His hands were holding my legs tightly too tightly in fact, and I moaned grabbing them to loosen his hold. He realized what I was trying to do and was out from under me before I could blink. I was laying flat on my butt trying to catch my breath and assimilate what just happened.

He stayed away for a few minutes then returned extending his hand, "I am sorry, I got away from myself. I must learn to be more careful." He lifted me easily and cupped my face in his palms. "Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's fine. Just a little too tight." He glared at me in disbelief and I smiled, "Really I am fine."

He sighed turning, "Want to go for a ride?"

"A ride?"

He chuckled grabbing my arm and slinging me onto his back. My eyes widened as he ran like lightening through the woods, what was he? More importantly what was this between us?


	8. Chapter 8

_**Previously…**_

"_**Do I scare you?" He asked softly. I met his eyes and leaned closer, "No." His eyes fell to my lips and soon he was against me. His hands tangled in my hair holding me tightly. I gripped his shoulders allowing him to lead. Not that I am a frequent kisser or anything but one word. **__**Wow!**_

_**I think my saying I wasn't afraid of him flipped a switch, because he was suddenly pulling me onto him. His hands were holding my legs tightly too tightly in fact, and I moaned grabbing them to loosen his hold. He realized what I was trying to do and was out from under me before I could blink. I was laying flat on my butt trying to catch my breath and assimilate what just happened.**_

_**He stayed away for a few minutes then returned extending his hand, "I am sorry, I got away from myself. I must learn to be more careful." He lifted me easily and cupped my face in his palms. "Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"**_

"_**No, it's fine. Just a little too tight." He glared at me in disbelief and I smiled, "Really I am fine."**_

_**He sighed turning, "Want to go for a ride?"**_

"_**A ride?"**_

_**He chuckled grabbing my arm and slinging me onto his back. My eyes widened as he ran like lightening through the woods, what was he? More importantly what was this between us?**_

I found myself looking over a beautiful view of the mountains within minutes. He smiled, "Isn't it surreal." Here I was thinking he was surreal and he is asking me about the view? He must have known because he slid his hands nervously into his pockets.

"You look alarmed." He said suddenly.

"I do? I'm not, well I mean sort of. I can't get out what I am trying to say here." He chuckled, "I have that problem quite frequently around you." I bit my lip slowly looking at him from head to toe. He looked so normal with a few exceptions he was perfect in every way. Who would have thought he was more than human?

He stepped closer to me stroking my chin, "You look deep in thought." I met his eyes reaching up to run my fingers over his sparkling face. He didn't move away, he simply closed his eyes. I allowed my eyes to roam down his body again. He was the most perfect male I had ever seen. As if he could feel my gaze he opened his eyes.

"Bella, please you are killing me here." I wasn't sure if he meant the touch or the looking, so I moved back nervously shifting my eyes to the ground. I felt his arm around my shoulders, "Walk with me."

I did as he asked slipping my left arm around his waist. I felt like a normal girl with a normal guy, only he wasn't. He kissed my head, "You smell lovely."

"My shampoo?" I asked confused. He smirked, "No, your scent. It's nice." I am so lost, what is he talking about? He stopped by a large tree his hands pinning me against it. I didn't move as he leaned to my neck inhaling deeply then nuzzled my ear. "Yes love, your scent is so sweet."

I was rigid and I know he felt it. He leaned back to meet my eyes.

"Scared?"

"No, I just…what are you?"

"You tell me…you know this one." I thought he was teasing, but he didn't laugh. He looked serious. Closing his eyes for a moment he spoke, "I'm the thing that goes bump in the night, I'm the evil that doesn't die, I'm the monster who unleashes himself of unsuspecting victims in hopes of one day feeing alive again."

"Do you?" I asked and by the look on his face I confused him.

"Do I what?"

"Do you hope to feel alive?"

He looked irritated and pushed away from me, "I tell you I am a monster, and you're worried about if I want to feel alive or not?"

"You aren't a monster. You seem troubled, but when I look into your eyes I don't see a monster."

"Look again then." He said as he knelt picking up a stick and tossing it. "My entire family should be ashamed for putting you at risk, and me…I keep diving in deeper. It's as if my body has a mind of its own."

"You don't want to be around me?" I asked waiting for a reaction. He met my eyes with a sad smile, "I want nothing more, I will accept nothing less even though, I know in the end I am a true monster for not walking away from you."

"I don't want you to walk away. I need you. You make me feel things, and I'm comfortable around you. It's like I don't have to try it just flows naturally."

His arms slipped around my waist as he pulled me tightly to him. "I can't walk away now. It's too late for me. I tried but I am not strong enough."

"What are you Edward? Tell me." I asked gripping his hair. He sighed leaning to my lips and brushing them gently. I arched into him as his lips descended down my neck, his breath causing me to shiver. He stopped at my ear and whispered almost so softly I couldn't hear.

"Will you still want me when I tell you?"

"Always." I breathed back. He sighed brushing the hair from my neck. His face was tortured again, as if he was struggling with the right words. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his chin, "I am not afraid of you, if you wanted to hurt me you would have already." He must have seen the truth in my words and nodded, "Maybe, I still could nothing is certain."

"Do you want to?"

"I want to love you Bella. I…" He sighed, "I want to be able to hold you like a human male, to show you how beautiful you are and how I feel."

"Why can't you?" I asked curious. He looked frightened suddenly and then pulled away, "I can't tempt either of us that way."

"We've come close before, you seemed fine."

"You have no idea what I was struggling with. It was never easy, it was never fine. If I lost control…if I didn't pull back Bella it would be very painful for both of us. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you."

"You brought me here for a reason Edward, to tell me what you are. What am I getting involved in? I want to know who I am falling for."

His beautiful face was a mask as he looked at me then the woods. I moved closer taking his hand, "I want you Edward, all of you. I don't care what you are. I just need to know." His hand squeezed mine as he leaned towards my face again. I felt my breathing hitch. He grabbed me in a swift motion as if he were scared I might run away and looked me straight into my eyes.

"Are you sure?" He questioned. I smiled kissing his neck, "I've never been more certain of anything." He stiffened uncertain and spoke one word, "Vampire."

I knew what he said. I knew it before he said it. I just didn't want to think it was possible. He couldn't be right could he? Vampires didn't exist they were some made up fantasy to scare kids or so I thought. Yet, here he stood. He was real, he was sparkling and it was obvious he was no mere mortal.

I could see the uncertain look on his face. He was waiting for me to panic. I didn't. I was serious when I told him I wasn't scared. Amazed maybe, but not scared even though it was probably best for me if I were afraid, after all he could snap my neck like a twig at any time. I mentally calmed myself and pulled his head down.

"I still want you." I repeated again kissing him gently. He was so stiff at first, probably still in shock of my confession. I suppose he would figure I would take a hike, what would a normal person do? Yet, I was never what one would consider normal. He soon relaxed and kissed me deeper. His hand held my head where he wanted it. I wonder what it is like for him, what he feels when he kisses me. Is it the same?

He released my lips with a sigh, "You are so perfect. I thought I would never find you." He spoke as if he had been looking forever, I'm young how can he have been….he must have sensed what I was feeling. He smirked that sexy little way he does. "A long time love."

"How long?"

"Let's just suffice it to say I am old enough to be your grandfather and then maybe some." I frowned, "You know that reference is not doing much for the turn on factor. It's kind of icky."

He laughed, "Yeah well, I look young for my age."

"Good skin cream."

"Exactly." He teased. I rested my face on his chest, "You'll protect me won't you?"

"Yes, I feel to strong urge to do so."

"You won't age and I will." I added already knowing the answer. He leaned back to see my face, "Bella, what are you saying?"

"What if I want to be like you?"

He looked at me a moment then pulled me back to his chest, "Let's just leave this subject for now."

"Would you change me?" I asked again wondering what he would say. He sighed, "Bella, not now ok." I decided I would leave it alone for now, let him think he has the advantage at least until I quiz Alice. If I know what I am working with I stand a better change of success right?

"Does it bother you to kiss me?" I asked. He stroked my hair, "I have been around human's a while. It was difficult, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Now it is only when it gets more involved that it bothers me."

"So if I kiss you then…"

"Then nothing, you kiss me." He replied with a smile. I smiled kissing him. He was just too cute not to have my lips on him somewhere. He responded immediately and I knew this whole getting more involved thing was going to be an issue. I can't stay away from him as it is. I hardly manage to control my hormones with him in the room.

Oh boy, I see trouble brewing.

He released my lips and I frowned hearing my stomach rumble. He laughed, "Someone needs to eat."

"Yeah, I guess I do." I admitted. I moved closer stroking his cheek and looking deep into his eyes, "I think you will too, soon." He shook his head, "Very observant of you."

"Vegetarian huh?" I remembered him saying. He slipped me onto his back, "Yes."

We were at the car before I knew it. He opened the door for me, "What are you in the mood for?" He can't be serious knowing I am thinking him, him and more him. I watched him cross behind the car and get in before I answered.

"The diner is fine."

"Bella…"

"No seriously, I like their apple pie. Me and my dad…" I drifted off and he took my hand, "The diner it is."

I ate a hamburger while he watched me curious.

"What?" I asked wiping my mouth, "Something on my face?" His handsome face lit up, "No, I was just wondering how it taste, you seem to be enjoying it."

"It is good, it tastes like a burger…well did you have those back then?"

"Not exactly."

"Do you remember the taste of food?" I asked wondering what he would say, did he remember his human life? He shook his head no, "Not really. I know now it tastes like dirt."

"Wow." I managed pushing my plate away, "I can't imagine a burger tasting like dirt."

"It happens." He said with a wink. I shrugged, "I guess it's one way to save on groceries." He laughed loudly at that.

"Speaking of which, I picked you something up." He handed me a phone and I looked at it curious, "What is this?"

"You needed one, I hope it's ok."

"It's fine, I just didn't expect it. Thank you." I ran my thumb over the smooth glass. He smiled, "I'll show you how to use it later."

"Is it difficult?"

"Not really, you finished?"

I nodded and stood as he tossed some money on the table. I waved to my usual waitress as we left. She was so sweet, always treated Charlie extra special since he came in all of the time. I appreciated that. We arrived home and Alice and Jasper were in the living room playing scrabble. It was cute, the way they looked at each other. So full of love and devotion. She looked up and ran over hugging me, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

She glanced from Edward to me and grinned wider, "How are you with us? I mean I saw you taking it well, I thought…"

"Alice." Edward interrupted her. She smiled, "It's ok Bella doesn't mind."

"I do." He groaned.

I nodded, "It's fine. It will take some getting used to." I turned to take his hand, "I think I can manage." She giggled and with a squeal and ran back to her previous spot.

"You should come play with us Bella, it's fun."

"I am sure it is, but I'm kind of tired." I felt Edward began to lead me upstairs. I heard her invite me to play later but I was lost in his eyes that currently weren't leaving mine. He opened his door and led me in, shutting it with his foot as he pulled me close, "Want to watch television?"

"No."

He slid his hands down my arms, "How about internet surfing?"

"No."

"Well then, I am slowly running out of ideas. What did you have in mind?" He didn't need to ask, he already knew. Curling up in his strong arms is what I wanted more than anything. I removed my shoes and sat on his bed silently. He followed me jumping behind me and pulling the covers over me.

"Stay with me?" I asked. He kissed my neck, "You know the answer." I turned to rest my face on his chest, "I meant forever."

He ran his fingers through my hair, "What happened to taking it slow?"

"Umm…it got lost in translation." I teased. He bit his lip, god it was adorable.

"I will always be with you, as long as you want me." He finally said with reassurance. It was nice to hear, I had lost my father, never really got to know my mother and all I ever wanted was to be accepted. I never thought it would be in a family as loving as this. They were all so supportive and they weren't even human.

"Will this be weird?"

"What beautiful?"

"Me, I mean being with you?" I asked hesitantly. He chuckled, "It was the plan all along. Alice saw something that led her to believe this would happen."

"Saw something?"

"Ah, yes another little tidbit. Alice can see things. It depends on the person's decision of course. What I mean is if they change their mind the vision changes."

"What about you do you see things?"

"I read thoughts." He said as if it were an every day occurrence. I raised an eyebrow, "So you can read what I am thinking now?"

"Uh, no. Not exactly. You seem to be a mystery to me."

"Is that normal?" I asked wondering why his face looked do perplexed. He smiled, "No, but I kind of like having to guess. It makes life much more interesting." I accepted his answer. I wonder if he could read thoughts before he was changed?

"Probably a good thing, wait you can hear thoughts from how far?"

"Depends on how familiar I am with the voice. A few miles."

"How do you shut it off?" I was now very interested. He laughed kissing my nose, "It's not easy. I just tune it out." I liked that this was out in the open. You would think I am insane for not being nervous in a house full of vampires, but I'm not. Oddly enough I trust them. I trust him, and that could be a fatal mistake in the end.

His fingers brushed the furrow between my eyes. "What are you thinking?"

"About you."

"What about me?" He asked tilting his head. I bit my lip, "I wonder if you hurt me." I blushed red. I felt the heat throughout my entire body. He nodded, "It's a valid concern. I wonder that myself." His face was now marred with worry.

"You would never do it on purpose though."

He met my eyes, "No I wouldn't."

"Has a vampire been with a human before? I mean like us?"

"No, Bella you have to understand most vampires are not like us. It's not important though, what is important is you realize I am still a vampire and I can still lose control."

"You won't." I was reassuring him now. I don't know why I even thought he would, in my heart I knew he wouldn't. He buried his face in my hair, "I love that you trust me. I just wish I could trust myself."

"You'll learn."

"So says the human." He teased. I giggled, "The human that has no plans on being on the menu."

"Indeed, well I think I agree. No Bella on the menu." I moved up to rest my face in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you, for trusting me, for saving me." I said softly. He held me closer, "You don't have to thank me, just don't leave me." I was surprised at the crack in his voice, was this the same vampire who was talking to me earlier? I leaned up on my elbow to see his face. He looked so sad.

"I've been alone a long time Bella. I waited forever to find you. I don't want to be alone anymore. Not now."

"I had no plans on leaving."

"Good, I would hate to stalk you." He teased. I kissed his cool, smooth lips gently. "I would hate that too, promise?"

His lips pulled me close again and I was suddenly lost in his wake, passion, lust, love, seduction, I can think of so many things to call what I felt around me. It was as if all of my fantasies came to life in this one immortal being. I felt him gently pushing me back, his breathing harsh.

"Temptation Bella, I need to calm myself."

"Do I need to…" He held me close, "No, just rest you head on my chest and relax. I'll be ok in a minute." It made me feel better now that I knew it was nothing I did, but simply his need to keep from hurting me. I moved very slowly to his chest and lay still as he stroked my hair calmingly.

You can't imagine what it's like to be next to someone so perfect, someone who would never change from what he was now. The thought hit me. He would always be so beautiful. This handsome vampire would never change. The women would always swoon in his wake. It was in his blood. He couldn't stop it.

"You will always be so beautiful." I managed finally. I felt him stop breathing then he started again, "It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't? Why not?" I looked up at him. He smiled, "Because you are just as beautiful, even more so than I could ever be."

I felt my eyes tear up, he was so sweet. He smiled his beautiful, blindingly white smile, "Rest Bella, we'll talk tomorrow."

"Ok."

I closed my eyes and drifted to a place were there was a burning house, a crashing window and then his hard body carrying me to safety. A place where I lost my father and was broken once again.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Previously..._**

**_"You will always be so beautiful." I managed finally. I felt him stop breathing then he started again, "It doesn't matter."_**

**_"It doesn't? Why not?" I looked up at him. He smiled, "Because you are just as beautiful, even more so than I could ever be."_**

**_I felt my eyes tear up, he was so sweet. He smiled his beautiful, blindingly white smile, "Rest Bella, we'll talk tomorrow."_**

**_"Ok."_**

**_I closed my eyes and drifted to a place were there was a burning house, a crashing window and then his hard body carrying me to safety. A place where I lost my father and was broken once again._**

I didn't feel myself tossing and turning, but I did feel myself jerk up suddenly and a cool chill run down my back. I was soaking wet. I looked around but Edward was nowhere to be found. I figured he must have gone down stairs to visit or something. It must get pretty boring watching the human girl sleep.

I walked over to the window and opened it wanting some fresh air, it was then I saw him. He was with Alice and they were talking quietly, but I could hear them. She patted his back gently, "I am glad you finally decided to give in Edward, this is good for you."

"I had no choice, my heart made the decision for me. I look into her eyes and I can't explain."

Alice giggled, "You don't have to every one can see it." He shook his head, "I don't want to hurt her she's not like us. I don't know how to keep from hurting her one wrong move could kill her. I still feel like I am taking her future away."

"You will be fine. I've seen it. You won't hurt her, and as for her future, it takes two to make that decision."

"You don't understand what I mean." He sighed placing his face in his hands. She smiled, "Edward, yes I do. You are in love with her you want to be with her intimately. You won't hurt her don't worry, as for the rest you two are destiny it doesn't matter what you do, you will end up together."

He looked up horrified, "You saw that! Alice!"

She shook her head defensively, "Hey I didn't see it on purpose, but just so you know it was very sweet and you don't hurt her."

He growled looking away. She leaned close to his ear whispering, "I think we have an audience." He turned meeting my eyes. I hadn't meant to listen that long but I couldn't turn away. I jerked back stumbling over the chair behind me and flat onto the floor. _Great Bella always clumsy._

I tried to stand but before I could I looked up and he was kneeling in front of me, "Are you alright?" Leave it to him to act innocent about it all. Here I was nosing in on his private conversation and he was asking me was I ok. Always the gentleman.

"I...I tripped over the chair."

"I see, but that's not what I meant." He ran his hand through my wet hair with a look of concern on his face, "You are wet." I looked down, "I had a bad dream it scared me, and I guess I woke up." He nodded, "I am sorry I wasn't here." He lifted me easily and sat me back on the bed crawling in beside me, "How much did you hear?"

"Not a lot."

He gave me a doubtful look but thankfully didn't press the issue. I was embarrassed enough at being caught and I'm sure he knew that. He made sure I was covered good and wrapped his arms around me, "Want to tell me what the dream was about?"

"The fire."

He exhaled thickly in my ear and nodded, "I wish I could help." I felt the tears begin to slide down my cheeks, "Why can't it just all be a bad dream and go away? Why can't my dad be here?" I began to shake and he pulled me into his chest, "I don't know why. I wish I did."

His body was so cold and with me wet it wasn't helping. I wanted to be close to him, but with his temperature it was making things a bit difficult. He felt me trembling uncontrollably and tossed the covers back, "I'm going to get you sick, come here."

He lifted me and carried me to the bathroom depositing me onto the cabinet. I said nothing as I watched him start the shower and close the door then turn. "The water will warm you up."

I was wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms so, I figured just losing the bottoms was ok with him there right? I mean my important parts were covered. I looked up noticing the way his eyes grew darker as they raked down my legs and back up to meet my eyes.

"Get in Bella, you're shaking."

"Are you..." I left the question unasked.

"Yes." He answered knowing what I meant.

"I bit my lip nodding and getting in under the warm spray. It felt like heaven and I melted into it, for a moment I forgot Edward was fixing to be in there with me and I had no idea what he would be wearing, or wouldn't be wearing. Either way WOW.

I heard the heavy door shut and turned to see his chest, so beautiful and pale. Now that is how I like to be greeted. I was almost embarrassed to look down, but come on you know I am human and I am going to and yes I did. He had on black boxers. I felt him lift my chin to meet his eyes and he smiled, "Better?"

"Yes."

He stepped into the spray with me and talk about your exotic wet dream Edward. I mean you do realize I am a teenager with hormones, and I am in the shower with the most perfect vampire in the world. This is what dreams are made of and all I can think of is how great the water looks running down his hard marble chest.

I am such a lost cause. When I looked up three shades of red later I realized he wasn't looking at my face either, in fact he was looking at my chest which with my now wet tank top was accentuated in every way. I doubt he missed a thing. Wonderful now we are both perverts.

He looked up pulling me close, "You are so beautiful."

"I bet you say that to all the woman you get in the shower."

He laughed, "I do, because you have been the only one." I smiled. Just knowing that was true and that he had waited all this time for me was such a powerful emotion. It was funny in a way because I was young and yet I knew when I looked at him exactly what he meant. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, or even wanting to.

"So is most of what you do like humans?" I asked caressing his chest. He looked at me curious then brushed back my hair, "I don't quite understand what you mean?"

"I know we are physically the same, but I mean marriage, kids, etc..."

He was silent a moment then had a look of sadness, "We get married, unfortunately we do not have children. I can not give that to you should you choose to be with me Bella."

"I never said I wanted it I just wondered what you life was like." I stroked his face, "Is it the same?"

He nodded, "Mostly, we try to remain as human as possible. Our food choice is the most obvious difference. We tend to have some animalistic tendencies."

I bit my lip kissing his jaw, "What is your favorite food?" He cleared his throat, "Bella this really isn't a great subject."

"Why? I want to get to know you. I want to see who you are."

"If you saw who I was you would have the sense enough to stay away from me, because I can't seem to stay away from you."

"I don't want to stay away from you." I cupped his handsome face in my hands, "I thought you wanted this?"

He inhaled deeply pulling my hands down, "I do, I feel like I am robbing you of a full life Bella. You could have so much and all I can offer you is death. No children, no future, only death, I live off of the death of animals to survive Bella. I have killed humans to survive. I am a predator. It is what I am made to do. I am a creature of chaos and pain and as much as I try to be a good person and change things around me in the end I can never change the real monster that rages inside me, the monster you should never see but you have a right to see before you choose to stay with me."

"So show me."

"Bella, don't do this."

I pushed him hard back against the tile, "I see in your eyes you are hungry. Show me the monster you hide Edward. Show me the truth you hide." He growled slightly but I didn't back off. "Are you afraid that I can't handle it? I lived through a childhood of being ignored by my mother, and I watched my father die in a fire I am sure I can handle your inner demon."

"You don't know what you are asking." He said thickly.

"Yes I do, show me or are you scared that just maybe you aren't as scary as you think?"

The shower was off and I was being dragged out the door and shoved in the closet, "Get dressed." I grabbed some clothes and walked out opening some drawers and getting my personals and dressing, I put my hair up and turned just as he walked back in.

He handed me my shoes and I slipped them on as he took me by the hand tossing the window open.

"What are we doing?" I asked looking at him curious. He raised an eyebrow, "I am hunting, you are watching."

He tossed me on his back and I heard voices calling his name from the hallway as he leapt out the window to a nearby tree and we were gone. It was only minutes before I couldn't even see the house anymore. He stopped inhaling deeply and sat me down, "Wait here."

I heard noises and followed the sounds as softly as I could, I was curious. It was then I saw a deer looking around cautiously as if she were aware of another presence. She should be. I knew he was close. In a flash she was down and I felt my heart stop. I didn't move, I didn't want him to lose focus and think I was dinner, it was absolutely unbelievable.

This beautiful being feeding on this deer in such a way, it actually looked like he was kissing its neck. I could see no blood, no gory details and his eyes were closed as if he were in heaven. He was beautiful. I was supposed to be turned off, scared, and disgusted and I suppose so many other things that would be natural but he was beautiful.

I am totally and undeniably in love with him. I stepped closer very slowly and saw him tense. I stopped immediately. He released the deer and tilted his head up to look at me. His eyes were so beautiful, large and golden and with a fierce look. Even in the moonlight he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I was uncertain what exactly his thoughts were except that this was probably extremely dangerous for me.

He stood smoothly without taking his eyes off of me and walked effortlessly to me. I swallowed hard backing myself into a tree. Why run? He would catch me. His hands came to rest on my waist. I felt my heart pounding and tried to calm it, I was not afraid of him. If he wanted to kill me so be it, I loved him and I had to show him I trusted him or this would never work and he would never learn he could trust himself around me.

I can't explain the look in his eyes they were full of question and wonder. He didn't speak he simply tilted his head and watched me curiously. I reached up resting my hand on his now slightly pink cheek, "I love you Edward." I told him softly, and I meant it. Whatever this was between us, wherever it lead. I wanted it.

I could hear what sounded like a content purr in his chest as his eyes closed and his face tilted into my hand. He is magnificent. I can't imagine anything on this earth being more beautiful than he is at this moment. He just did something I am sure no other vampire would ever do, he allowed me to watch him in the most intimate of acts feeding and I am certain it took more willpower than I would be willing to admit for him to do so.

When I took my eyes from his chest I realized his were open and on mine again, they were darker and I am not sure of the look they held. His hands moved to the tree above me so he was leisurely leaning down and he smiled, "Did you enjoy that?"

"It was beautiful." I said feeling his warm breath against my cheek. He closed his eyes with a sigh.

"I don't know how you can think that." He answered sadly. I reached up to grab his shirt and pull him closer, "Because I love you, it is who you are and that is all that matters. We all have our demons. We all deal with them in different ways. You try and change your demon by killing animals instead of humans how can I fault you for that?"

His expressive eyes met mine, they glowed brightly in the night and his large body moved closer to mine. "So, you mean because I try to change the way I am it changes how you see me?"

I looked down finding my hands had slipped under his shirt to caress his stomach, I could feel the emotions from just the touch. It's almost like lightning this energy that draws us together. I don't know how else to describe it. I have never felt anything like it.

My breath hitches and I felt his abdomen tense, "Yes, you try to be better. I can't ask anything more of you." I closed my eyes trying to control my now rapid breathing. Why did he have the ability to do this to me so easily? I felt his hands run down my hair then slowly down my arms to where they rested under his shirt.

"Bella." His voice trembled. "I don't have much control right now."

I heard him swallow and felt him fall forward gripping the tree, his breathing hard against my neck.

"Feeding tends to make us feisty so to speak...this might be a good time to take you home."

It's almost as if I could feel the emotion radiating off of him, as if my will were overpowered by something other than myself. I've never felt more alive than when I am with Edward. I miss my father, I always will but this family makes me feel so welcome, so loved and Edward makes me feel so wonderful inside. It takes away almost all the pain and emptiness.

I could hear the tree bark shredding under his fingers as he fought to control himself. I should have cared, I didn't. I wanted him, here like this without control or restraint. Was I crazy? We weren't talking about a normal human boy here. He could crush me in a heartbeat.

Feeling his warm breath on my neck I turned my head to see his face, his eyes were strained closed. His body was like a rock, hard and rigid. I reached up stroking his cheek, "Edward?"

He groaned, "Please." I could barely hear him. His head tilted to mine more, his lips almost to mine as he spoke again, "My God Bella I need you so much. I've waited all my life to find you. I want to give you everything I have."

His words were so powerful and my body shook in response, his lips finally resting on mine in a powerful kiss. It was deep, passionate, and ever so slow. I felt him lifting me off of the ground against him. How can it be possible to feel so many emotions?

He gently set me back down but never released his hold. "I know a place, not far. If you want we could go...to be alone." He looked down nervously. I knew what he was asking he wanted to leave the decision up to me on just how far I really wanted to go. Was I really ready to take this further than this? I had waited my entire life for him and never knew until recently.

I nodded with a small smile, "I would like that." He looked dazed a moment then lifted me into his arms and before I knew it we were in a small cabin, I am not sure how far it was from the house, probably miles but for them minutes. It was secluded and just the right size for two lovers to be alone. I imagine the Cullen's had it especially for them. It fit a little get away they might have.

It was a simple room with a fireplace, bed, and a couch. The decorations were simple and light there was not refrigerator or air conditioner, why would there be? They didn't eat or need air. He turned, "Are you cold?"

"A little"

He lit the fireplace then smiled sitting on the couch. "We come here sometimes just to get away." I nodded and looked around. I actually liked it. It must have been early morning I have hardly slept all night. I really had not been tired.

I felt him behind me as I looked out the window at the stars, his hands on my arms delicately.

"Do I make you nervous?" He asked kissing my neck gently. I felt my body leaned back into him.

"No. I want you to touch me." When I realized what I said I felt myself blush. I didn't turn but I am sure he knew. He chuckled brushing my hair back, "Do you?"

I felt his lips on my neck again and gasped as he gripped my waist tightly pulling me back against his hard body. He moaned, "Bella, are you sure you want this? I don't know if I can stop once we start. I want you too badly."

I knew one thing. I didn't want him to stop, ever. I had never really thought about sex a lot. What it would be like? When I would finally do it? Would I enjoy it? Who would it be with? It wasn't the first thing I thought about like most people my age but suddenly it was all so clear, it was simple. It was him, I didn't care when, where, or how but I knew it must be him.

I turned to look into his eyes, sure of one thing for once in my young life. "I don't you to stop, please Edward. " I grabbed his hair and pulled his lips to mine begging him with my body not to stop. He molded to me easing me back onto the soft bed beside us. His lips trailed down my neck I felt them stop at my shirt again, probably unsure. I gripped his arm arching up into him, "Please don't stop." I begged breathlessly.

I heard a growl and I felt my shirt rip. I sure hope he has a spare around here some where. I felt his cool lips on my stomach and I closed my eyes knowing tonight would be forever engraved in my memory as the first night of us together.

**I know it's been a while, sorry I've been workin so much. I'll try to do Better :) I hope you ENJOY :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Previously..._**

**_I turned to look into his eyes, sure of one thing for once in my young life. "I don't you to stop, please Edward. " I grabbed his hair and pulled his lips to mine begging him with my body not to stop. He molded to me easing me back onto the soft bed beside us. His lips trailed down my neck I felt them stop at my shirt again, probably unsure. I gripped his arm arching up into him, "Please don't stop." I begged breathlessly._**

**_I heard a growl and I felt my shirt rip. I sure hope he has a spare around here some where. I felt his cool lips on my stomach and I closed my eyes knowing tonight would be forever engraved in my memory as the first night of us together._**

I awoke to the warm sun on my face but it didn't bother me. I just snuggled closer to the coolness beside me. It felt good and I sighed contently. I wasn't awake enough to be aware yet of where I was. I only knew wherever it was I wanted to stay there.

I felt a cool hand stroke my cheek and moaned moving closer to the wonderful object. I heard him chuckle and my eyes fluttered open. There he was, my angel laying under me watching me sleep. He kissed my head.

"Morning beautiful."

I smiled stretching. I realized I was actually a little sore and frowned and as I suspected he caught it.

"Are you ok?" He asked as he turned me to my back.

I nodded.

"Yes, just a little sore." I said in a whisper. He bit his lip nodding. I know he knew as well as I that was to be expected and in this case probably more so. He had been nothing but gentle with me but when you think about it even that was probably rough for a human.

It felt wonderful to me everything he did was perfect. I can't think of any way that he hurt me. In fact he was too gentle and several times I had to encourage him to be a little rougher. He didn't want to take a chance on hurting me. My sweet love is a very romantic man at heart.

He ran his hands over my skin looking for any signs of injury. I lifted his chin.

"Edward, relax. I am fine."

He smiled and kissed me lightly. I guess he too was happy with the fact we had taken the step we had and I hadn't gotten hurt. It was a very successful step for us which meant he was stronger than he thought. He brushed my hair back and looked deep into my eyes.

"You're going to think I'm crazy, but I know what I want. Keep in mind I come from a different time and things have changed a lot from when I grew up."

I looked at him strangely.

"Marry me Bella."

He was right, I did think he was nuts. I also understood, he came from a time where they got engaged quickly and where they didn't have sex before marriage. He had kind of bought the carriage before the horse so to speak. He was letting his heart guide him and I knew what that was like because I was too.

I was young, but in his time we were old in the game. I smiled touching his cheek.

"I would prefer not to rush but I will agree to marry you." I answered feeling him pulling me close. He kissed me deeply and I could feel his happiness seep into me. I knew this was the right thing to do, I knew we were meant to be. It felt right. You can't fight fate.

When you find the one you just know. It took me a while to realize it, but when I did it hit me from all sides. Clever little cupid, he released my lips with a moan and was quickly over me.

"We should get back to the house. I am sure you are hungry."

I had noticed I was starting to get that way. He kissed my nose and slipped out of the bed. I couldn't help but watch him dress. He was such a beautiful specimen how could I resist? When he felt my eyes he turned and smiled.

"I seem to have torn your shirt last night in my haste. You'll have to wear mine."

"Won't the others question?" I asked slipping it on.

He smiled.

"We'll slip in my window and change."

I finished dressing as he disposed of my torn shirt and held out his hand to me. I followed him out and we walked hand in hand through the woods. It was so beautiful. I don't know if it was the love, the fact I had I just lost my virginity or maybe all of it but everything looked so different.

He lifted me in his strong arms.

"I love you Bella."

I didn't have time to reply before he kissed me quickly and slipped me onto his back. We were home in record time and he had me in his bedroom window and in my room to change before I could speak. I took a shower and changed and stood brushing my hair before I realized Alice was sitting on my bed.

I turned startled. She smiled at me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

I walked in sitting beside her. She took my hand in hers and smiled again.

"So how do you feel?"

I knew she knew what happened or she wouldn't have asked. I shrugged and blushed. She giggled.

"It's wonderful isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Alice, I love him."

"I know you do." She said crossing her legs. She put her hand on my cheek and bit her lip.

"Bella, do you want to be one of us?"

I thought about it a moment then shook my head. I mean to be with Edward forever, yes I did. I loved him and I didn't want to grow old and leave him. I never wanted to leave him.

"Yes, I do." I answered.

She smiled.

"Well then, it's nothing."

"What is nothing?" I said as she stood.

She sighed suddenly seeming distant.

"I just... Edward he..." She didn't know what to say and I could tell she didn't want to tell me.

"Alice tell me, please."

I mean after all if something is going to happen I have the right to know.

She turned and sat back down.

"Edward will kill me for telling you, he doesn't even know. I've been blocking him."

She seemed to struggle for a moment then continued.

"I had a vision and I saw you. You were talking in the woods. You had fallen and scraped your hand. Edward struggled but he handled his bloodlust."

"So what is the problem?" I didn't understand.

"I saw two possible outcomes, in one you asked him to take you." She looked down then back into my eyes. "And he did."

"Take me?" I asked not getting her meaning.

She leaned closer.

"To make you one of us."

I could see that. I mean I did want to be one of them at some point and the possibility is certainly there that I might be tempted to do something like that. I didn't know what to say after that. I was quiet. She looked nervous now.

"Are you ok?"

"Am I....am I happy?"

She giggled.

"Yes, you are happy. You make quite a beautiful vampire."

I smiled thinking of it. She looked towards the door and stood.

"Edward is coming, we'll talk more later."

She slipped out and Edward walked in closing the door. He had showered as well and changed into a dark navy button up and black jeans. He looked stunning. It showed off his alabaster skin.

He sat beside me with a smile.

"So, we should feed you love."

I nodded. He looked at me with concern.

"Are you ok? You seem worried."

I stood offering my hand.

"I'm fine, I was just wondering if the whole house knows we slept together last night."

He chuckled.

"I'd say it's a safe bet."

I sighed blushing.

"Wonderful."

He took my head pressing a kiss to my temple and led me downstairs. Esme was in the kitchen and she turned when she saw me. She smiled sweetly.

"Good morning Bella, are you hungry?"

I smiled sitting at the bar.

"I am actually." I felt Edwards hand on the back of my chair.

"What would you like? I can make you something"

She was always so nice, I loved this family. I actually didn't want to be a problem. Edward leaned down into my ear.

"Someone told me you liked oatmeal with brown sugar and milk."

I giggled, he knows me too well to have known me for such a short time.

"I do."

She grinned clasping her hands together.

"Oatmeal it is."

Jen had called to check on me so many times, I decided I needed to go into town and spend at least a little time with her. I hated to leave Edward but if what Alice said was true then it's probably best that I do it now.

She had a new boyfriend and told me all about him. I was happy for her she seemed to be doing well. She sat on the end of her bed and looked at me worried.

"How are you really Bella?"

"I'm better, each day it gets better. I have off days but with time it gets easier. I think having Edward and his family helps."

I knew it was coming because she had never asked me before and it was ok. Jen was a sweet girl and she never has done anything wrong to me. She tapped her finger nervously on her shoe.

"Bella, the rumor at school is that you and Cullen are a thing."

"Really? What do you think?" I asked watching her expression.

She shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't feed the gossip. I'm not going to say one way or the other because you haven't told me yes or no. I think they are just saying it because of the way he reacted at school that day. He was really protective of you. It was kind of sweet. It's not like he isn't a catch or anything." She teased.

I laughed running my fingers through my hair.

"I suppose not."

She smiled at me then sat on the floor next to me.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Bella it's fine. I just wondered like everyone else."

I looked at her a moment then bit my lip in thought. It wasn't like she wasn't my friend. I had known her forever, and it wasn't like I was telling her what he was. I was only telling her that we were an item there is a distinct difference.

"Edward and I, we are dating."

She squealed with delight and grabbed my arm hopping in place.

"Bella, you are so lucky. He is so cute."

I nodded blushing in agreement.

"He is cute, but listen I'd prefer if not everyone knows our business. It's still new and I..."

I was stopped by loud honking.

"What is that?"

Jen got up looking out her window.

"That's Clay, come on and meet him. He is so sweet." She grabbed my hand and drug me from up stairs. As she opened the front door I gasped moving back as he practically pummeled her with kisses. She giggled throwing herself into his arms.

I was glad she had found someone he seemed to like her... a lot. He released her and smiled extending his hand.

"You must be the famous Bella my Jen talks about, I'm Clay."

I shook his hand, "Pleasure."

He took her hand.

"A few of the peeps are coming over practice was canceled the coach wasn't feeling well, food poison or something...who knows."

I noticed he had a football jersey on and frowned. A house full of football players, totally not where I wanted to be, it's like a house full of Emmett's.

Jen shook her head.

"Clay, no I told Bella we could spend time together. Can't you call them and cancel?"

He pouted but slipped his phone out. I knew it was already too late because her doorbell rang. She mouthed sorry to me and opened it. Several large guys and girls I recognized from school walked in. They were polite but I didn't really speak to them. I didn't realize as I toyed nervously with the phone in my pocket I had actually called Edward and not said anything.

Jen pulled me in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head trying to calm my nerves.

"It's ok. We can do it again, I promise."

She hugged me and I knew she felt terrible. Clay leaned in the kitchen.

"Bella? Someone is here for you."

I looked at Jen confused until Clay moved and Edward walked into the kitchen cupping my face between his palms.

"Are you ok?" He asked panicked.

I nodded.

He kissed my forehead softly.

"When you called and didn't speak I got so worried, I rushed right over. Unfortunately Rose was changing the oil in the Volvo so I had to use the Vanquish." I could hear the living room was quiet and knew that all eyes were on us.

"I called you?" I questioned.

I took the phone from my pocket and looked at the last number. I realized I must have called him when I was nervously messing with it.

"I'm sorry Edward...I was nervous and I...."

Jen sighed.

"It's my fault. I didn't know my boyfriend was coming over and bringing his friends so it kind of ruined our plans together."

Edward smiled gently at her and stroked my cheek.

"You want to go home?"

I looked from Jen to him. Jen smiled sadly.

"You go ahead, like you said we can do this again later."

I met his eyes and nodded I know he could feel my nervousness, probably the beating of my heart because he rested his face next to mine and held me close rocking me slowly and whispered.

"Slow, deep breaths my love."

I focused on his breathing and soon my heart began to slow. He stroked my hair softly and whispered, "Let's get you home."

His lips touched mine softly and he smiled taking my hand. Well, so much for the not telling anyone because everyone in this room just found out. Jen waved as he led me out. I know he was not oblivious to the guys racing to the window to check out his car.

I felt his hand on my leg as soon as we got in the car.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yes, I just wasn't expecting that. Can you pull over?"

He looked at me oddly and pulled over on a side road. I got out catching my breath. I never was one for anxiety attacks but since my father's death my tolerance had been low. I just wanted out of the car, away from anyone or anything.

Looking into the vastness of the nearby woods I started forward. I heard his door shut.

"Bella?"

I knew he would try to stop me so I ran, it wasn't like he couldn't catch me but I knew it would take him a moment to figure out what I was doing. It was only seconds before his steel arms were around me.

"No Bella, breathe." He pleaded

"Let me go."

"Bella, slowly in and out with me." He said softer now.

I struggled kicking.

"I can't, I can't let me go. I can't." I cried.

"Bella, listen to me. You can't let this take over you breathe with me." He demanded now.

I don't know why it was so hard for me to calm down but it was. It was almost like his words just bounce off of me. My heart was racing and my adrenaline pumped through my veins. He was having a hard time keeping me steady.

I heard other voices but I couldn't focus. He turned me to face him.

"Bella look at me."

"Let me go, please. I can't breathe." I gasped.

"Carlisle, I can't get her to calm down, I've tried." Edward said looking around me. I felt someone's hands around my waist and started to kick again only to have my legs restrained.

"Easy there." I knew it was Emmett.

"Sorry Bella." Alice said and I felt my jeans pulled down a little in the back.

I felt the cool of the alcohol swab before Carlisle spoke.

"Bella I'm going to give you a shot, it's going to sting but it will help."

"No, no I don't like needles." I pleaded. Edward kissed my hair as I cried burying my face in his neck.

I felt the stick and cried harder, when he was finished I felt Alice refasten my pants and Emmett release my legs. Edward stroked my back and held me close.

"I'm sorry Bella. I'm so sorry."

I shook uncontrollably and he lifted me in his arms.

"I'll run her home. Emmett can you bring the car?" I guess he agreed because soon I was lying in his warm bed against him. He was stroking my back lovingly as I whimpered. Carlisle came in sitting beside us.

"How is she?" He asked brushing my hair back.

Edward looked down at me then back up.

"She's sedated."

Carlisle sighed and looked down.

"Edward, I don't know if it wouldn't be beneficial for her to have therapy. What she has been through is very traumatic. There was no way to know she would have this reaction to a crowd and after they way they treated her at school I can't blame her. She is very delicate."

Edward kissed my head.

"She just needs time it's still early and she hasn't adjusted."

"Son, do you have any idea the enormity of the situation? Her father died. Her partner is a vampire and she just lost her virginity to you. This girl has had drastic life changes in a very short period of time. Her mind is reeling and she is trying to adjust the best way she knows how. It's a lot for a human heart to take."

"What if she wasn't human?"

Carlisle looked stunned. He didn't think Edward would turn her so soon or even think of it.

"What are you suggesting?"

"Just, that maybe at some point she might want to be like us."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow and nodded.

"I thought that might be something you discussed. What is it you want to know?"

"If I change her, will it make this worse?" He looked down at me stroking my pale cheek.

Carlisle watched us and shook his head.

"How is one to know Edward, it's never been challenged. I've always changed people on their death bed. You are talking a different beast. I don't know what she would bring with her. Would she be stronger yes, usually we bring our strongest human traits. I don't know about this type of thing. It could be left behind, it could make her the worst kind of demon what do you want me to say? I can't give you an answer. I wish I could."

I could hear the conversation and I could see them, but it was like I was looking through a glass. It was blurry and unclear. I couldn't really focus on any particular thing. My body was so heavy I couldn't move. Carlisle stood and kissed Edward's head.

"It will work out son, have faith."

He was such a wonderful father. He really did care for Edward and all of his so called adopted children just as a father might. He left the room and I found the strength to move my arm. Edward looked down.

"Bella?"

"Bathroom?" I managed.

He nodded and helped me up. I quickly fell back. He bit his lip.

"I don't think....I think I'm going to take your jeans off. It will be easier because you won't be able to ok?"

I didn't argue. I really don't care. He removed them and lifted me to the bathroom. He set my hand on the sink.

"Can you do this Bella?"

I looked back.

"Yes."

"Bella." He lifted my chin. "I can help if you need me to."

I shook my head no and he nodded walking out. I don't know how because I felt like a lead balloon but I managed to get my panties down and potty without breaking anything. I even got them back up. I was washing my hands when he came back in. Good think to because he caught me as I was stumbling back.

He kissed my neck.

"Let me help you." He slipped his hands over mine and washed his hands with mine. It's funny, my body felt heavy but it was like I could feel every sensation tenfold. It was amazing watching him...feeling him washing his hands with mine, the slippery soap sliding between our fingers. I know he heard my heart speed up because I felt him lean closer listening.

He dropped the soap and rinsed our hands gently. I moaned when he turned me leaning me against the counter as he dried them off. His eyes met mine and he set the towel down resting his hands on the counter beside me.

"Bella."

I reached up gripping his shirt and pulling him closer glad the sink was behind me so I wasn't wobbly. He inhaled deeply.

"Bella, we should get you back in bed." He started again.

I closed my eyes remembering our first time and smiled.

"It's like riding a roller coaster." I said suddenly. I opened my eyes to see him frowning.

"What is?" He seemed confused.

I tapped his chest lightly and smiled.

"Making love to you, you get on the ride nervous because you don't know what to expect. The ride progresses and you start to get butterflies because it starts to get a little more exciting and your heart is speeding up."

He stroked my cheek tenderly, his eyes holding interest.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, and it get's faster as the ride goes higher. Your body starts to sweat and the adrenaline kicks in and your breathing speeds up." I added resting my face in his palm. I could hear his breathing pick up.

He moved closer, his lips almost against mine. I knew he liked where this was going.

"Then what happens." He questioned.

I smiled.

"Then you finally hit the biggest curve, and your heartbeat races faster than ever, your breathing is so fast your panting and suddenly you feel like you've been dropped off a cliff and you are soaring. "

"Do you like to soar Bella?" His voice was husky and held a slight edge now he lifted me up to sit on the corner of the sink and pulled me against him. I met his eyes.

"It's an amazing feeling when I am soaring with you." I answered honestly. He leaned down kissing me gently and my fingers found their way to his hair. I missed those lips. He made a noise and in my current state I am not sure if it was a moan or a growl, maybe a little of both before he pulled back.

"Bella, you should be resting. I shouldn't be doing this right now."

"What if this is what I need?" I asked simply. He seemed to take in what I said. I moved my fingers from his hair to cup his face.

"I need to feel close to you Edward. I need you... the things you make me feel. I need to feel them, all of them. Please." I begged with pleading eyes.

"I can't deny you when you beg." He whispered softly, so softly I almost missed it.

"Then don't." I said back.

He was still a moment then leaned back. I thought he was leaving me until he reached down to grab the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Let me just thank him now for those wonderfully amazing abs.

I reached out running my fingernails over them and he hissed closing his eyes. He is so beautiful. I can't imagine any man being more perfect. He opened his eyes and held my hands still.

"Let's go back to bed love."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me in his strong arms and carried me to the bed. I knew the pleasure that waited for me there, I knew the look he held in his eyes and the promise of passion to come. I didn't have to wait he didn't make me because as soon as I was on the bed his lips were on mine.


	11. Chapter 11

**_"I can't deny you when you beg." He whispered softly, so softly I almost missed it._**

**_"Then don't." I said back._**

**_He was still a moment then leaned back. I thought he was leaving me until he reached down to grab the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Let me just thank him now for those wonderfully amazing abs._**

**_I reached out running my fingernails over them and he hissed closing his eyes. He is so beautiful. I can't imagine any man being more perfect. He opened his eyes and held my hands still._**

**_"Let's go back to bed love."_**

**_I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me in his strong arms and carried me to the bed. I knew the pleasure that waited for me there, I knew the look he held in his eyes and the promise of passion to come. I didn't have to wait he didn't make me because as soon as I was on the bed his lips were on mine._**

I awoke later feeling his hard body next to mine. I was lying on my stomach and I could feel his fingertips tracing my spine, it felt wonderful. I moaned and smiled. He knew I was awake but he didn't push the issue. I think he was enjoying me lying naked beside him, although I was covered to my waist I was still against him. The intimacy was there.

He kissed my head and then my neck and snuggled there breathing softly onto my sensitive flesh.

"You make me feel so many wonderful things Bella."

He had no idea the many things he made me feel, my wonderful vampire lover. How many women got to say that and live to tell it? I opened my eyes and looked into his eyes, I noticed they were darker and circles were starting to form beneath. I knew he would need to feed soon.

He automatically pulled me closer wrapping me into his arms. I kissed his neck.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" Was the only response I received as he ran his nose up and down my neck inhaling my scent. I gripped his hair moaning when his tongue touched my skin. He growled and flipped on top of me effectively pinning me and sucking my neck a little harder than normal. I gasped arching.

I knew he was hungry, he was getting aggressive and his body was going on instinct. I wasn't afraid, more curious how far he would go before he realized it. I gripped his hair harder and felt his teeth graze my neck. I froze instantly, and I know he could hear my heart speed up. I still wasn't afraid I suppose I should be, but somehow I wasn't.

He leaned up and met my eyes. His eyes were black and wild, so beautiful. I released his hair and stroked his cheek.

"You are beautiful, untamed and magnificent." I don't know where it came from but it was how I felt. He searched my face for something, though I am not quite sure what. I brushed a stray hair back.

"What do you need Edward?"

He was silent, still watching me with that lost look. He moved closer to my face and I could feel him gripping the bed beside me.

"I need to leave Bella, I need to feed."

"Is it too much?" I asked running my hand down his marble chest. He closed his eyes shuttering then opening them again, the lust was apparent.

"Bella, I can't....." He tried to control his breathing and buried his head next to me in the pillow. I knew I was pushing him, tempting fate and my own safety by doing this. I knew he was on the edge his eyes were clearly wild and unclear, not at all my normal Edward.

He lifted his head, his entire body shaking. Our intimacy was new to him so I am sure he would have to adjust his feeding habits accordingly. He met my eyes and I smiled sadly stroking his cheek in an attempt to calm him.

"Shhh, it's ok baby." I whispered.

He turned his nose to my wrist and inhaled then flashed his eyes to me warningly. I let my hand fall.

"I'm sorry. " I said as he pinned my arms down. He was a mere inches from my face now.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed Bella?" He asked roughly.

I shook my head no but I noticed he had not moved.

"If you need my blood then I would give it." I offered. He gasped looking at me like I had just said the most terrible thing in the world. I pulled my wrist from his stunned hand and offered it to him. He swallowed hard and grabbed it slamming it back into the bed.

"You are insane never do that!"

"Edward, if it makes you happy I don't mind." I said honestly.

He groaned and shook his head.

"You don't understand, I don't think I could stop."

I shook my head, "I know you could."

He sighed looking off. I bit my lip and looked around seeing what I needed I pulled loose again. He looked at me oddly.

"What are you up to now?" He asked as I pulled out from under him and over to the bedside table then back again. When I showed him my now pricked finger he hissed and backed away in shock.

I grabbed his arm.

"Don't go."

His eyes were on my finger and I could see the hunger there. I moved it closer.

"Just try it's ok I know you won't hurt me."

He was panting and I moved even closer.

"Edward, please I trust you." He met my eyes and then looked away fighting with himself. I knew this was a big challenge but if we were going to try and make this work he needed to get used to the smell of my blood. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the bed.

He followed but slowly and with caution. I lifted my finger to his lips and gently rubbed it across them. He closed his eyes gripping the bed as he opened his mouth and allowed me inside. I felt his tongue swirl around my finger and the suction increase. His eyes opened and looked at me and I can't describe the look in them.

The pleasure, the absolute ecstasy and I was amazed. I watched him release the bed and pull me to straddle him into his lap. I gasped at how hard he was sucking my finger. It was starting to throb. I went to pull it out but he stopped me by biting down with his teeth. I caressed his cheek.

"You have to let go baby."

His hands were on my wrists and I was flipped onto my back before I knew what had happened. I gasped trying to catch my breath. He had released my finger but the look was still in his eyes.

"Edward?"

"You shouldn't have done that Bella, don't you understand? I'm ruled by my carnal nature...if it takes over....if I lose.....Bella I can't lose control with you. I could kill you."

His grip on my wrist was getting tighter as he spoke and he was pressing me into the mattress harder. I decided I better distract him before his carnal nature gets the best of us both.

"I was limited in my movements so I did the only thing I could, push up with my body and meet his lips with mine. He groaned but responded you see I didn't forget what he told me that hunting increased the vampire libido. He hadn't exactly been hunting per say but I bet it was enough to have some effect on him. I just hoped it was enough, because I knew he was still hungry.

He released my wrist and gripped my hair and I knew by his movements he wasn't worried about eating just this second. I don't have any idea how long we made love but when we were finished he was quickly getting dressed.

I watched him saying little. He looked over his shoulder.

"I'll be back in a while."

I didn't ask where he was going, his eyes were darker as were the circles and I knew the answer.

"Ok."

I knew I had pushed some limits he would probably scold me for later. I didn't think right now he cared, he just wanted to feed. I fell asleep and I'm not sure how long he was actually gone. I awoke and showered. It was dark and I found myself sitting in the window looking at the beautiful moonlight.

I hadn't seen him in a while so I figured he was pretty upset with himself and me. I heard the door and turned seeing him enter. He was iridescent in the moonlight, simply beautiful. He inhaled deeply and walked over sitting beside me.

I met his eyes.

"Are you mad at me?"

He looked down and pulled at the hem of his pants.

"Mostly I'm angry at myself for not being strong enough to resist you."

"Edward I offered." I argued. He shot me an angry look.

"Yes and I took it, Bella I could have turned on you, you can't offer me things like that. It's not something we need to even entertain."

"You didn't." I answered back.

He growled.

"It doesn't matter, it can't happen again. Please Bella, if you see I'm hungry don't do something like that. Let me feed it is a necessity. You life is not a joke and should something happen imagine what it would do to me if I hurt you."

I looked down saddened. I thought we were taking a step forward and all I get is a slap in the face. He sighed and pulled me close.

"I'm not saying it wasn't the most intimate thing I've ever experienced, or that I didn't love it. It just isn't safe." He whispered kissing my head.

I looked up meeting his now caramel eyes. He smiled.

"No one has ever trusted me like that, thank you."

I smiled resting my head on his shoulder. He looked up at the moon.

"It's beautiful."

"Yes it is." I added. "How about you take me for a walk?"

He smiled lifting the window seal and tossing me on his back. We were in the forest in minutes. The way the moonlight danced in the trees was absolutely beautiful. He set me down and we walked hand in hand at a human pace. I kissed him and smiled.

"Close your eyes."

He raised an eyebrow but did as I asked. I quickly was off and when I was satisfied I whispered.

"Find me." I was hiding behind a large tree trying to hold my breath even through I had forgotten he could hear my heart. I jumped when he was suddenly leaning in front of me. He smiled wickedly.

"I found you, what do I get in return?"

Grabbing his collar I kissed him deeply, he moaned grabbing my waist and pulling me to him. I giggled. He smiled.

"So, off with you."

He patted my rear and gave me a head start. I grinned and started running, over a small stream and across a log to an unfamiliar part of the forest. I knew he was right behind me. He was letting me feel like I was ahead even though he could catch me at any given time. I turned seeing him jump behind a tree and laughed running quickly the other direction.

This was actually quite fun. I was smiling and looked down gasping and jumping back when I saw the snake there. Of course, being clumsy I fell but I was more worried about getting bitten. Edward was there in a flash tossing the hideous creature out of sight.

"Bella are you ok?"

I groaned as he helped me up. I felt him tense and looked down seeing the blood on my hand. I looked up and he had backed against a tree looking off and trying to control his breathing. This was worse than the prick so I am sure the smell was more intense.

I knew I had a choice, I remembered what Alice had told me. What did I want to do? I wanted Edward forever, I didn't mind being like him and in all honesty it was the only way I could. I had nothing really to stay human for. He and his family were my focus now.

Edward was clutching the tree, his eyes closed. I moved closer and I saw him quickly turn towards me, his eyes dark.

"Bella, please." He pleaded.

I moved closer as he shivered.

"What if I wanted to be like you Edward? What if I asked you to take me?" I watched as his chest heaved and his eyes flashed with uncertainty. He shook his head.

"Bella, you've gone through so much."

"I want to go through it with you. Let me be at your side, walk beside you into eternity. I've lost my father and I lost my mother a long time ago."

He looked at me then.

"Speaking of your mother, she sent you something. Carlisle wanted to wait until things were calmer to give it to you."

"Let me guess a car?" I said with a smirk. He didn't answer, he didn't have to. I already knew.

"Edward do you love me?" I asked watching his expression. He looked astonished that I would ask such a thing.

"Yes, Bella more than my own life."

"Then what shall we do about it?" I asked extending my hand. He clutched the tree a moment staring at my hand. I moved closer.

"You know you can stop, you've done it before."

He shook his head, "This is different Bella this will be painful for you."

I rested my uninjured hand on his chest.

"Will you be there with me?" I asked watching his eyes.

His met mine.

"I would be no where else." He replied.

"Then, so be it."

He lifted my hand inhaling the scent and looked at me again.

"Bella, if I do this there is no going back my love. You will be like me." I smiled stroking his cheek.

"I only have one request, because Alice said it leaves a scar. I'd prefer not everyone be able to see it you know?"

He raised an eyebrow at me and looked confused.

"I don't understand you don't want me to bite your wrist?"

"No."

He pressed his hands to my neck and I moved back.

"No, not there either."

He sighed, "Bella what do you have in mind?"

I bit my lip and took his hand pulling him with me to the ground. He frowned.

"Bella?"

I smiled, "Femoral artery."

He nodded in understanding as I pulled my jeans down. I was getting nervous now as I laid my jeans beside me. He moved so my hips were on his lap, his thumbs tracing delicate patterns on the skin.

"Are you sure Bella? You don't have to do this now."

I nodded as he looked down and touched the inside of my right thigh.

"It will be right here."

I nodded and watched as he moved his right hand behind my back to support me and lifted me carefully to him. He asked me one more time.

"Are you certain my love?"

I closed my eyes taking a deep breath for courage.

"Make me yours." I said softly.

I felt tender kisses and opened my eyes trying to control my breathing and my heart. His other hand slid up to my chest, I didn't know why until I felt his teeth sink into my flesh and I jumped. I realized it was to hold me still.

The bite really didn't hurt it was the burning sensation that was starting that was painful. I knew it was the venom he was pushing into my bloodstream. The sucking sensation was actually quite euphoric and I suppose it was supposed to feel that way. I found myself moaning and thrashing which he controlled with his hands.

"Edward." I moaned breathlessly. I could feel my body getting weaker by the second. I buried my hands in his hair. I felt him easing me down onto the ground now, tenderly. He released his hold on my chest but still held my thigh as he sucked.

I was too weak to care. I felt like I could barely breathe, it was almost as if my chest was heavy. He released my thigh and I felt him above me stroking my cheek. I opened my tired eyes and he caressed my lips.

"Bella I want to do something."

"What?" I barely managed.

"I don't want you to get upset with me but the closer the bite to the heart, the quicker the change. Understand? I mean it still takes as long but it ceases the burning in the limbs or so Carlisle's theory is."

"I don't..." I tried to say but I couldn't finish. He lifted my shirt and tenderly pulled at my bra.

"Bella, please, let me do this. It won't be able to be seen I promise."

I had no idea what he was talking about. I couldn't even think. I felt him lifting my back and my bra was undone. I moaned not because of him but because the burning felt like fire inside my veins and it was traveling up my thigh and into my entire being.

I felt like I wanted to vomit.

He touched me again.

"Bella, right here I want to bite you is that ok? I need to know."

I could barely even feel where he was touching over the pain of the fire that now consumed me. I cried out gripping his arms. He pushed me down.

"Bella, please baby this is only going to get worse."

"Just, please help me." I pleaded.

He took that as my consent and I felt his teeth sink into me again right under my left breast, more so to the middle I think. I'm not even sure. It's so blurry right now. I went to rise and he held my hands down as he pushed more venom inside my body. I was trembling then, the new venom not taking long to make my heart start to burn.

He released me and refastened my bra pulling my shirt back down and somehow managing to get my jeans back on me. I don't know how when I was thrashing constantly. He lifted me in his arms and kissed my lips.

"I love you Bella, let's get you home and in bed."

I lay covered in the bed with family in and out checking on me. Edward constantly at my side I realized something, him changing me had been one of the most intimate things that had ever happened to me. The loving way he proceeded and the way he asked my permission before he did anything he was so thoughtful. You wouldn't think that taking someone's life could be intimate, but it was.

I can't explain it but as he lay there sucking the life from below by breast in the most intimate of touches his hands were gently calming me, his body lovingly against mine. I could feel the love radiating from him and into me. It probably sounds crazy but it is the truth, it brought us that much closer and he doesn't even know it yet.

As I lay here and I try not to cry out he is beside me, whispering words of love and devotion. He is constantly at my side, his cool body against my hot flesh. I can feel my body changing and he is here with me. I feel his hands caress my hair lovingly and tell me how beautiful I am and always will be to him. He tells me stories from his past and his thoughts of when he first saw me and how cute he thought I was. He really is sweet.

It was night and we were alone when my heart finally ceased its beating. I could hear his breathing stop. He didn't move for fear of frightening me I suppose. My eyes opened and I noticed things I have never seen before, like how even in the dark I could now see perfectly.

I could feel him beside me and I knew he was there, every part of him and I knew he was uncertain. I turned my head slowly and looked at his face. He was even more beautiful than I remember his perfectly flawless skin that as a human I could never fully appreciate.

I reached up and stroked it then smiled softly rolling to where I was against him. I felt his hand hesitantly rest on my hip.

"I love you." I whispered before my lips met his.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Previously..._**

**_It was night and we were alone when my heart finally ceased its beating. I could hear his breathing stop. He didn't move for fear of frightening me I suppose. My eyes opened and I noticed things I have never seen before, like how even in the dark I could now see perfectly._**

**_I could feel him beside me and I knew he was there, every part of him and I knew he was uncertain. I turned my head slowly and looked at his face. He was even more beautiful than I remember his perfectly flawless skin that as a human I could never fully appreciate._**

**_I reached up and stroked it then smiled softly rolling to where I was against him. I felt his hand hesitantly rest on my hip._**

**_"I love you." I whispered before my lips met his._**

It was like I had never really kissed him before. I could feel his lips so much deeper as if they were sinking into me, touching me in ways they never did before. I felt tingles in my toes. His fingers that were once hesitant now gripped harder as he slid them up my side and buried them into my hair.

I moved my hands to his chest and noticed he was no longer cold but warm and soft. I took advantage of this and explored him, slipping my hands under his shirt to feel the skin beneath. It felt so different under my fingertips. It was so soft and pliable nothing like the marble it had felt like before.

He moaned deeply releasing my lips.

"Bella." He whispered holding me close.

I knew I was probably driving him crazy with my roaming but it was so odd to feel him in this way. The different sensations I felt when I touched him and the way he felt to me. He gently stroked my cheek and I felt him staring at my face. I looked up meeting his eyes.

"You are so beautiful." He said kissing me again. I smiled stroking his cheek with a sigh he caressed my throat.

"Does your throat burn?"

I hadn't really noticed but yeah it kind of did. I touched my throat and looked back at him.

"A little, it feels kind of like a scratchy sore throat."

He smiled, "You need to feed it will only get worse."

I took a minute to let my mind wrap around that. So this was what I was now and I had to feed like they did. I inhaled an unnecessary breath and curled into him. I just wanted to stay with him for a while. I had dreamed of being in his arms like this for so long.

He held me close not saying anything as if he knew exactly what I needed. I guess in a way he needed the same thing. This was new to both of us and we would have to learn together. He was the only other member of the family besides Carlisle to ever change anyone. It had to be extremely hard for him. I can only imagine the strength it took for him to pull away.

I looked into his eyes.

"Was it hard? I mean to resist killing me?" I knew the answer but I wanted to hear him say it just the same. He smiled softly and pulled me closer if that was possible.

"It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was also the easiest. I closed my eyes and pictured my life without you and I couldn't and I knew then I could let go. I couldn't live without you Bella I would be so lost."

It was the sweetest thing any man has ever said to me. I knew exactly what he meant by his statement because I felt the same way. It was hardly fair. He stroked under my eyes with his thumbs.

"You must eat Bella I can tell you are hungry."

I can't argue with him. I am starting to get that way. I took his hand and allowed him to lead me to the window. He looked down with a smile.

"Ready to test those reflexes?"

"I'll probably break my leg." I said wearily as I looked down.

He laughed lifting my chin, "I doubt that, you don't know how strong and lithe you are. Allow your reflexes to take over and just go with it."

I sighed and decided why not, I was one of them now right? Hand in hand we jumped out his window. I was amazed when I landed effortlessly on my feet.

I smiled spinning. It was wonderful to feel this light on my feet. His hands slid around my waist from behind.

"Care to play catch me now little one?" He teased.

I giggled pulling away and taking off. I couldn't believe how fast my new legs carried me. It was all so beautiful, the wind wiping in my hair, the sounds of every little thing in the woods. I heard a heartbeat and my feat screeched to a halt. I could actually hear a heartbeat, is that what he heard when he was around me?

"It's a deer."

I heard him whisper from behind. I felt his hand rest on mine.

"Close your eyes Bella smell him and tell me where he is."

I did as he suggested and my head tilted to the right.

"He's there, but he is not alone. I hear more."

I felt his lips on my neck.

"Good, now you must take him down Bella. You must be gentle with him make it quick so he doesn't suffer can you do that?"

I wasn't sure I could. I felt myself tense as the smell enveloped me. He ran his hands down my arms.

"Would you like me to show you?"

I nodded and he moved away with a smile tugging my hand. I watched as he found another deer and took him down. It was so fast had I been human I don't know if I would have been able to see it all. He was so beautiful and graceful. He was quick and he made sure the animal didn't suffer needlessly. I think I could do that. I forget the strength I have now in my own two hands.

As he fed I walked away finding my deer and deciding it was now or never. I found my prey and pounced it was easier than I thought and although it took me a moment to get the hang of it my instinct kicked in almost immediately. I finished looking up and he was standing there. I couldn't decipher the look on his face.

"Are you ok?" I asked then.

He extended his hand.

"I just...it's hard to see you like this. I'm used to protecting you." I smiled.

So he liked to be my protector. I jumped on his waist.

"If it makes you feel any better you can still protect me."

He laughed.

"Really? From what?"

"Hummm..." I thought about it.

"Well lots of things like really annoying guys. I don't like being hit on you know." He grumbled and I smiled.

"What was that?" I asked.

He met my eyes.

"I said you are taken." He replied back.

I kissed him.

"I am? How nice. Is he cute? You know the guy I'm taken by?"

He pushed me back against a tree raising my hands above my head.

"I suppose you might think so."

I groaned feeling the electricity begin running through me as he pressed into me. It was the first time he had really let his full strength loose on me.

"I think I do." I managed to get out as his lips started to caress my neck. His hands moved down to my sides but as mine descended he shook his head.

"No, keep them there."

I pouted but did as he asked after all he usually has a reason. If I do what he says it will probably benefit us both in the end. My breathing became erratic as he kissed my neck roughly. I think I like this more aggressive side of Edward. I know he could never show it to me before and it's nice it is finally coming out.

"Bella." He groaned. "There is so much I want to show you."

"I have all the time in the world." I told him.

He smiled kissing my nose.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to be rough. I just feel overwhelmed with emotion and it's hard to control."

I moved my lips closer to his.

"So stop controlling it Edward, I won't break and I don't mind if you let lose once in a while." I actually was excited to see this side of him. Edward losing control would be a sight to behold. He gripped me harder.

"Bella, I don't want to scare you."

"Show me the animal Edward. You've kept him locked away too long and he wants to get out. How can you be whole inside if you keep part of yourself locked away? I want to see all of you. I'm not going to run away from you. I can take it."

His eyes grew dark and I knew he was fighting internally with himself. In reality he was always calm and subdued. He needed to release some kind of pent up energy and relax. He was always so uptight and worried and if this was how he needed to do it then hey, I'm game.

I could see he was not going to break and so I decided it was time to break him. I sighed, come on Bella you can do this. I don't know how smart it is but you can do this.

I pulled my arms down ripping his shirt open. He glanced down and back up to me shocked.

"Opps." I said teasingly. I could see the fire getting hotter in his eyes. I smirked pushing him back hard enough for him to stumble.

"I'm sorry Edward, are you having trouble keeping your balance?"

I walked passed him and leaned on another tree that was bathed in moonlight. I knew it would illuminate my skin. I turned to him running my fingers up and down my chest in a seductive way watching his eyes as they followed.

"You know Edward the moon is full tonight. Did you notice?"

He moved closer.

"I did." He replied softly.

I smiled looking off.

"I used to dream about making love under a full moon. I know it's stupid teenager stuff but it was a fantasy of mine. I never dared to dream there were vampires who would have thought."

He leaned down in front of me. I turned to see him his face was so handsome.

"Now you are a vampire." He said huskily.

I nodded.

"Now I am and I have fallen in love with the most beautiful vampire in the world."

He smiled stroking my cheek. ..

"I could argue that point but I won't." I reached up running my hand down his exposed chest. I still couldn't believe how soft it felt.

"When you were young what were you going to be?" I asked curious. He pulled me close.

"I was going to be a music teacher. I always enjoyed music and playing the piano even then."

I wondered why he had never pursued that in this life, but perhaps it was a tie to his old life he didn't want to relive. I slid my hands under his shirt and onto his smooth back.

"I love you."

"Bella...you're killing me here." He groaned squeezing me tightly. I giggled kissing his neck.

"Really? Does it hurt?" Show me where it hurts baby."

His eye closed and I heard him inhale deeply.

"You may regret asking me to let loose Bella, I've never done so. I don't know what might happen."

"It's ok. I'll be here to restrain you if you get too naughty." I reminded him. I knew deep down even unrestrained if I said the word he would stop. He might not think he would but I know different. He's proved it time and time again. He growled lifting my legs around his slim waist and kissing me deeply.

I love seeing the animal in him. It is so beautiful, I realize vampires are by nature supposed to be evil creatures but how can something so beautiful be truly evil? There has to be something of a compromise somewhere. The Cullen's had changed their way of life. Still there had to be more to it.

When we returned to the house he held me until daybreak. I have to say I miss sleeping. I didn't realize how boring it can be when you have nothing but time on your hands because you can't sleep. You literally find things to do. I can see why he read so much. You can't help but be well educated. There's only so many things to do and you do have nothing but time.

I felt his hand running up my arm.

"Everything ok?" He asked kissing my shoulder.

"Yes, I was just thinking about how you don't go stir crazy with all of this time."

He chuckled.

"You adjust, find things that interest you and do them. It's not so bad. The hardest part is being lonely." I can't say that I am anymore."

I used to be but then I met Edward and like he said I'm not anymore. I think back to how we met and it's funny how it all seems so mundane now. In a small amount of time my entire life has changed. I felt his lips on my neck and shivered. I knew the family would want to see me this morning they had given us alone time on purpose.

I turned to see him the immerging sun causing his skin to glimmer in the most brilliant colors. I suppose I looked the same to him but he still took my breath away. I ran my hand down his perfect chest and sighed.

"You are so beautiful."

I said as he shimmered and I watched with fascination. It took me a moment to realize he was watching me too. He lifted me above him and ran his hands down my sides.

"You Bella are beautiful."

I looked down at how my new body now shimmered like his. It was such an amazing sight, so beautiful...if I saw an angel this is what I would imagine them to look like. Then again, Edward has long been my angel.

He smiled at me reaching up to stroke my cheek.

"I've never seen anyone more beautiful." He whispered softly.

His words are always so endearing because I know they come from his heart. It's funny because I've never really been comfortable in my own skin. Yet, here I sit on my love naked as the day I was born and I am perfectly comfortable. I feel beautiful in my new skin, sexy and strong. I've never felt more alive or happy.

I looked down as he ran his finger down the center of my chest making a path to my belly button. I was mesmerized by his touch. He looked back into my eyes and smiled.

"We should get dressed the family is waiting."

I laid my head on his chest and curled into him.

"I'd rather be with you."

He laughed and kissed my head.

"You will be, I promise. We have all our lives but we must let my family see you. Alice is very anxious you know."

I leaned up with a pout and was greeted with the most wonderful kiss I could have imagined. Now was he thinking that was going to make me want to get up and leave? I felt him lift me from the bed and set me on the floor as his lips released mine.

"Get dressed love." He said as he winked and disappeared into the closet.

I dressed and found him waiting on the bed. He took my hand and led me down the stairs. I was immediately greeted by a huge bear hug from Emmett, when I finally got him to release me I got to see the family with my new eyes, and they were all so much more beautiful than I had ever imagined.

They told me tons of history and I listened for hours. Carlisle and Edward were talking about something in his office when I slipped outside for some air. I didn't notice I had been followed until I sniffed and realized I could tell their scents.

"Jasper." I said softly.

He leaned beside me on the porch railing.

"What's bothering you?" He asked curious. I smiled slightly looking out at the night that was slipping upon us.

"I don't know really. I can't explain."

I turned to him and looked over his face and neck. It was the first time I could really see his scars. He would be really intimidating if you didn't know him. Wow. I had reached out to touch them before I thought. I was curious if they were smooth or if you could feel them.

He didn't say anything when I ran my finger over his neck he simply watched my expression then looked back out at the night. I realized I was rude and didn't ask him and may have made him uncomfortable. I bit my lip.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just...."

He turned meeting my eyes.

"It's ok. You were curious. Did they feel like you thought?"

I looked down.

"I didn't realize vampires just bit each other." I said shyly.

"Yes, in attacks or for pleasure. It just depends on the vampire I guess."

I looked at him stunned.

"Why would you want to..?" I stopped shaking my head. I did not want to know. He smirked at me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"You must calm down."

"Really. I don't know what it is....Jasper I just..." I sighed. I wasn't worried about anything. I couldn't explain the feeling I was feeling inside but obviously it was bothering Jasper. It felt like pent up stress or energy or something of the sort. It was odd.

Jasper was getting uncomfortable and I could tell from his expression he didn't like it.

He released my shoulder and took a step back breathing heavily it was almost as if a weight was on him. I looked at him oddly.

"Jasper?"

The door slammed open and Alice was at his side in an instant. Edward was right behind her and as he moved toward me Alice grabbed his arm.

"Edward, no she can't control it."

"She's got to start somewhere." Edward said wearily as he continued toward me. He pulled me into his arms and stroked my face.

"Do you feel it Bella?" He questioned.

I knew what he was asking because I did. It was like a force of nature inside me. I nodded feeling my own breathing began to quicken. He spun me so my back was against him.

"Edward!" Alice cried from behind him. "She doesn't know what she's doing."

"We can't wait Alice. Get him in the house. I'll try to get her away from here." Edward yelled back looking at Jasper who was holding his head in Alice's arms.

Carlisle started to protest but he had me in his arms running with me. I braced myself against his chest trembling. I don't know what was wrong with everyone but something certainly was. I began to tense and he set me down holding my back against him.

"You understand how Jasper's power works?" He asked me.

"Yes, he controls environment so to speak how people feel, emotional atmosphere in subtle ways."

His lips were at my ear.

"Yes, you have a gift Bella. It is much like Jasper's but yours is stronger, not quite so subtle. If you learn to control it you will do great things. I know you will in time, until then this will be a little difficult."

I could feel myself shaking under his touch even as he held me tightly.

"Your body wants to release pent up emotions, you don't know how to channel your feelings yet. You'll learn in time. Jasper will teach you. In the mean time I'm going to ask you to do something and I need you to do it."

"Ok." I answered.

"Let it out Bella, let go."

He released me and took a few steps back.

I dropped to my knees and felt something begin to flow through me. I've never felt more frightened. I turned to Edward.

"Run."

I'm not sure if what was coming would have hurt him or not but I didn't want him anywhere near me. I didn't want to take a chance. Not with him, I love him too much. I would not allow this thing free until he was safe. I could no longer hear his footsteps and I gripped the ground looking up to the sky as pain ripped through me.

I felt a cool hand on my cheek it brushed down my neck then my arms. Gently it pressed on my chest and ribs then my abdomen.

"I think she's fine, no apparent injuries." Carlisle said and I felt his cool hand on my cheek again. He ran his hand down each leg.

"Even if something was broken it would heal rapidly, but that would take great force and I don't think she did anything out there to cause such an injury."

Edward sighed at my side. I could feel his leg nervously rocking. Jasper was close to, I could sense him.

"Edward she's very strong but she will learn to control it. Given it was her first experience with it I would say she did quite well. She didn't hurt anyone."

"Do you realize Jasper the emotions she creates are stronger than the ones you cause? It's like a cyclone hitting. There is nothing subtle about it." Edward said worried.

"It could come in handy at times."

I heard Emmett laugh.

"We could have fun with it you know."

I could only imagine Edwards glare.

"It is not fun to play with ones emotions Emmett especially to that extent, and we don't know the full extent of what she is capable of. She probably brought this over because of all of the emotional turmoil in her life. Her father's death, her relationship with her mother. It hasn't been easy for her."

"I think you're right." Carlisle agreed. "She had strong emotions before. Jasper had a way of making people see thing his way she on the other hand was strictly strong emotions and lots of them. I don't know how that carries over."

"All I know is I can pick her up very strongly and I can help her if she wants." Jasper said knowingly.

I felt Edward move closer to me and wrap his arms around my waist resting his face next to mine. It felt so good to have him close. Jasper chuckled and Edward moved a little.

"What?" I heard him ask.

"She likes that." Jasper replied standing. "I'm going to find Alice."

No fair, Edward isn't reading my mind but Jasper sure is reading my emotions. I felt Edward pull me closer to him and kiss my neck. His warm scent so sweet and intoxicating.

"Do you want me to take you up to our room?" He whispered in my ear. I snuggled into his chest and nodded yes. He slid around me and lifted me into his arms. I didn't want to talk about what happened just yet. I wasn't ready to deal with it and I think he knew that.

Laying me in our bed he pulled me close and I wrapped around him. I can't think of any where I would rather be. He lifted my chin.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered back. He has no idea just how much. He looked deep into my eyes and I simply could have drowned in the depths of his golden orbs. He didn't have to say anything I knew what he wanted when his eyes looked down to my lips.

I was more than happy to kiss him and to give him anything else he might decide he wanted this night. I can't imagine feeling happier than I do right now with him by my side. It makes no sense at all and yet it makes perfect sense that we are what we are and we fit together so perfectly.

I am now a creature of the night just like him only we aren't of the night. We walk in the day when it's not sunny and we defy all of the myths. We are not anything like the fairytales. Edward is not your worst nightmare he is not a terrible person he is simply another person in this world trying to survive the best way he can.

He tries to see the good in people, the hope in life. Something about that is beautiful don't you think? In all his years he still see's good in people and never lost hope. I only hope I can have the same feelings when I am as old as he is. I can only imagine what he has seen.


End file.
